desiderata.

dear friends,

today is tuesday which is humpday minus one. which means that tuesday PLUS one equals HUMPDAY which, in turn, is tomorrow and that makes me filled with glee. today was my half day at work and i spent my afternoon going to the gym, doing syd's hair/make-up for her wedding photos, and getting my hairs done. how exciting is that? so... sydney's hair and make-up turned out so beautiful today, i was really happy and so was she. not that we ever doubted me, but there's always like a huge sigh of relief breathed by me when someone is ultra super happy with the way they turn out. so, A+ for me and A++ for sydney for getting married in a bloody week and a half. (hers is the wedding for which i have no date) but, such is life when you are a lonely lark in a sea full of blue jays.

i went to the gym today and my mother was SUPPOSED to meet me there (emphasis on the word "supposed") because oooohhh noooo! she never showed up. because why? oooohhhh nooooo because she was talking to my aunt kristi. so i was forced to gym by myself. which of course forced me to make up stupid moves at each station. for example, at one station i did the snoopy dance, while at another, i kick boxed. and at another, i did the robot. all by my lonesome. and i stood by the window and waited for my mommy's car to pull up and it never did. so sad.

i've been thinking thoughtful thoughts lately (which are never good), and i was thinking today about how nothing can last forever, and how all good things must come to an end, and a bunch of other cliches such as those, and i was just remembering my summer. i think the reason i started thinking about my summer was because i was talking to my friend about her summer. she was telling me how this past summer was the worst of her entire life and then she proceeded to list the reasons why it has been labeled as such (all of which were extremely good reasons). and so, with talk of summer, i started to remember mine. and this past summer was so amazing for me. it was probably one of the best of my life, and for so many reasons. first off, it is the first summer in about 4 years where i am at a job that i love, and working with people i love. that hasn't been the case since i worked at the salon with my uncle and sam (not to be confused with uncle sam). not that i didn't like working at my last job, because i did. but whatever that is not the point. another reason i loved this summer is because kady and i had sleepovers pretty much every night. and we got to go swimming and sing karaoke and sleep together in mumus. and none of that happens anymore on account of we aren't really friends anymore. and that's ok. i went to chicago with my family, and i got my first chanel bracelet. i guess those all sound like stupid superficial things, and they aren't really what made this summer amazing, it was more who i spent my time with rather than what i did with my time, or what i bought. kenny was in arizona for most of the summer, and i had blasties with him. i had a summer full of pizzookies, denny's at 2 a.m., being loathed by waiters/waitresses, photoshoots (we discovered how to take black and white pictures on his camera.. haha), long drives, emmy/oscar talk, reading imdb forums at 3 in the morning, watching horrible rob zombie remakes, buying over-priced suede jackets... really the list could go on forever. and then to finish the summer off we got to go to Disneyland together. i mean, really. how lucky is that? it was my most favorite time of my life. so why does it sometimes make me sad to think about it? i don't understand how something that was once so amazing turns into something that, at times, makes me ache. and then i think again about those phrases. "nothing gold can stay". why does it have to be like that? does it ever really have to be that way or is it something we do to ourselves so our lives are more dramatic? i wonder if i've spent the last year trying to end a relationship that never really started, just so i wouldn't get hurt. my plan backfired though, because i'm still hurting. i didn't save myself from anything. i didn't spare myself any heartache. maybe what i did, or what i am doing, is shutting myself off from having any connections at all. is it better to live life that way? i think maybe i have wandered into a completely different topic here, and that wasn't my initial intention, so all apologies. i just want to remember to enjoy the good times while i have them. i mean really really enjoy them instead of thinking of a way to protect myself from the hard times that lie ahead. because whether i am protected or not there will always be hard times, and i'm learning now that there won't always be amazing times.

the title of this random little blog of hopelessness is the french word meaning "things that are missed". i think it was a good choice. and yes, it was a great summer.

signed,

gabrielle.