so this is the new year, i don't feel any different...

I know what I need to do,

I know what I have done.

I am going to write it down,

I am going to photograph it.

I will remember what should be remembered,

I will forget what needs to be forgotten.

I will trust those close to me,

I will trust myself.

I will let go,

I will move on.

I will laugh...

Too loud, too much, and too often.

I will love...

never too much.

I will think before i act or speak,

I will defend myself.

I will believe in what i say and do.

I will say what I mean,

and mean what i say.

I will stop talking about myself so much,

I will listen more closely to what isn't being said.

I will care less about what others think of me,

and worry more what i think about myself.

I will stay in touch,

I will drift apart.

I will focus on details.

I will ask questions,

I will give answers.

I will be honest with others,

but more importantly, i won't lie to myself anymore.

I will read, I will study, I will learn.

I won't dwell on the past.

I will keep going.

I will live for those who cannot,

and also for myself.

I AM GOING TO BE BETTER.

I AM GOING TO BE GABRIELLE.

that is a sort of new year's resolution, in so many words. instead of making the same goals this year as every year before (i.e. lose weight, save money, be happy, get married? HA HA), i decided to make a mission statement of sorts. an outline to remind myself of what i will become in the next year. not what i want to accomplish, what i will accomplish. since it is the new year though, i will take the time to tell you all (yes, you. if you're reading this, then you) how much you mean to me. I am so greatful to all of you for being in my life and putting up with my (at times) impossible mood swings. i'm working on getting those fixed, by the way. i am so greatful for my family and wonderful friends, some who have been with me from the start. i am greatful for my amazing job and boss, and his family, the examples they are to me. i am greatful for the friends i have that i don't keep in touch with as much as i should (malia, karen, katie, brandi, thanner, braden, jen, colby...ETC.!) believe me, you are in my thoughts more than you know! thanks to kim and clinton for getting me through the work week, and increasing my wrinkles. i am greatful for samantha and sandee... you guys have been around longer than most- CONGRATULATIONS! i love you guys so much and i am so glad we've stuck with each other through all of the fights and screams and CRYING (my heck, we are emotional) and i know it sounds like a cheesy, lezzie thing to say, but there are three guys out there who are lucky enough to end up with each one of us. i know we haven't found them yet, but i am always looking out for you guys and i know you're always looking out for me. i appreciate you, i love you, i miss you. i'd suggest we move in together, but then our cycles would be the same and that would be good for no one. i am greatful for kenny and everything he is to me. i'm greatful for his sense of humor and the strength that, for whatever reason, he gives me. i am greatful for his kind words and his great family. i am thankful for those moments we get every once in a while where we lay in my bed and watch joan rivers on youtube and just laugh until five in the morning. i am greatful for his daniel day lewis impression and of course, his breathtaking bum (true). i am greatful for my strong family: my cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents. i love the close relationship we all have. even though our family gets crazy at times, like right now, when my grandparents are moving (again) i'm not going to lie, sometimes my family makes me crazy. but then i just think about my aunt kristie and the time she fell off of the ladder. or i think about my beautiful aunt jennie, and the tea party we had that i got kicked out of. or i remember how taylor used to sit on my lap and share my food with me when she was little. i think of a time when erin and i used to argue about who got to be the teacher and who had to be the student (she was always the teacher-- haha). i think of my cousin nichole and how strong and brave and forgiving she is. and how lucky she is to have such an amazing husband and three beautiful little girls (get pregnant again already, will you?!) i think of the nights spent in utah on my cousins trampoline. i think of chase and corbin and skip bo at three a.m. i think of uncle mike yelling at us to shut up. i think of mckell and danielle, and maleri, and merissa, and about how much they love me, even though i am not perfect. i love how they don't ask me to change, they just think i am the coolest the way i am. i think about my grandmother and the sacrifices she's made in her life so that she could be a part of something she believed in so much. i think of how she left her home and family in europe to come to america to be a part of something bigger and better. i think of my uncle david, and the afternoons we used to spend watching ghostbusters. i think of my uncle mark and the pasta c. he makes for me even though it takes a long time. i think of madison and the christmas sleepovers filled with leftovers and all-night monopoly games (did we ever finish?? who won??) i think of my uncle john and how much fun we used to have at the salon and all the ridiculous errands he used to send me and erin on. i think of my brother connor... who is no doubt annoying. but he is probably the funniest kid i know, and definately one of the nicest kids i know. i think of my dad and the sacrifices he makes for my family. i think of how hard he works... all the time, whether he is home or at work. i think of how brave he is, of how safe i feel those nights when he is home with us, and how something is just missing when he is not. i think of my brother stefan, who right now is dedicating his life to serving our father in heaven- and he's doing such a good job at it!! i love him so much and miss him more than i can say. and finally, i think about my mom. and her braces. she has done more for me in my life than anyone ever will. no one else loves me like my mother loves me, and i don't love anyone like i love her. she is my rock, my example, my shining star. she is beautiful, funny, and courageous. she has carried not one, but two families and with minimal complaining. she is the coolest, the greatest, my number one, my best friend. without her, i wouldn't be here.

the same goes for all of you. you've all done something to me or for me that has helped make me who i am today. and sometimes you just plain give me the strength to get up in the morning.

i love you all. so so much and forever and with all my heart. i love some of you in such a way that it actually hurts to think about you. i certainly love you all more than i could ever write or explain in some silly blog.

here's to the jokes, the laughter, the fighting, the crying... here's to the random text messages or phone calls that get me through my day. here's to the inside jokes we share during work hours (kim....... i'm talking to you.). here's to the long drives with nothing to say, here's to the late-night trips to denny's. here's to brownie making, here's to guitar playing... here's to family, friends, and everyone in between. i love you. with all my heart, i love you.

thank you and i hope you all have a safe and happy and amazing year. i hope you all get what you want out of your lives. and to those of you who are pregnant... good luck! i'm really sorry you have to squeeze a baby out of your small place. it doesn't sound like fun, i'm not gonna lie.

signed ever so sincerely,

gabrielle.

p.s. special thanks to erin who helped me ring in the new year on my NEW BED! i love you, missie.