watch it all come crashing down...

so yesterday in the middle of making a mix cd, my computer shut off. and it wouldn't turn back on. so, the real kicker of the whole shebang is that i had just put all of my pictures from the past week onto my computer... the american idol concert, all my pics from oregon, etc. so i start to have a tizz (enter: psychotic gabby) on account of my life is gone. all my stories, music, photos... everything. and really, i can hate no one but myself for not backing any of that stuff up. anyways i took it to geek squad today and i decided that, since i was getting a new laptop at the end of the summer anyways, i would just not fix it. it is going to cost anywhere from $100-$800 to fix the machine, so it's like.... what's the frigging point? i just had mr. geek squad man transfer all of my life onto this bubblegum pink hard drive. i thought maybe the fact that it was bubblegum pink would make me like it more, but i was still less than thrilled that i had to pay $100 for it. i also have to pay geek man to transfer all of my stuff from the laptop to the bubblegum, which costs $160. which is actually great, you know, because that's what i wanted to pay, so... i win. or not because this really really sucks. i am going to be without a computer for possibly a couple of months until september when i get my new one. i would say at that point i will post my pics from the american idol concert and oregon, except by that time i don't even know if i will want to post them. i will try to keep writing since i have access to a desktop computer, i probably just won't have any pictures for a while. which, i know, isn't the worst thing.

if there was something that should be known about the concert/my trip that i could say without posting pictures, it would be that the american idol concert was amazing. truly, it was. i had so much fun with my mom and our other friends that we went with. all of the idols did really well, with the exception of only one or two who just really didn't seem comfortable on stage.

as far as oregon goes, there's not much i can say about it at this moment, i am still a bit overwhelmed. what i can say is that there are a few moments in my life where i can remember thinking to myself that i am truly happy. that's not to say that i am not a generally happy person, because i love my life and i love the people in my life and i am quite happy for the most part. but there are some distinct moments that occur in life when everything is perfect- the people you are with, the sounds, the colors, the smells... everything is amazing. it is in those moments that i become very aware of how lucky i am to be in this world and to be able to associate myself with certain people. that being said, i had TWO of those moments last weekend in oregon. two. that is a pretty amazing ratio since i was only there four days. that means that 50% of my time there was amazing. i haven't been one to cry much lately, but i did a fricking heck of alot of it last weekend, so operation: scare everyone into thinking i am an emotional mess was a complete success. hooray. i guess that is why i was so sad to leave. i felt part of something, part of a group, i belonged. i was wanted, accepted. and the whole time, i was just me. i didn't have to pretend to be someone else, because who i am was good enough. it was better than good enough. and coming home after all that, it just kind of felt... sad, i guess? i don't know how to explain it with english words. i just miss that feeling. i miss it already.