last week i slept in my mutti's bed because my dad was out of town and she needed a bed mate. (she actually ended up being MY bedmate on account of the scorpinox that stung her face, but that's another fiasco all together) we were watching wizards of waverly place when i confided in her. it wasn't necessarily on purpose, the words sort of just came out. "i want to be a wizard so bad; almost as much as i want to be a vampire slayer".
dw being the kind-hearted mutti and bff that she is looked over at me and asked me very seriously, "what world do you live in?"
hmm... i don't really think i know.
i replied, though, by saying, "obviously i live in my own world, one in which i laugh at shows like this because i think they really are funny and not just stupid".
all of this talk got me thinking, and i remembered a scene from one of my favorite movies, alice in wonderland. it's right in the beginning when alice is sitting in the tree with her cat and her older sister is sitting beneath her reading a book out loud. alice is having a vair hard time paying attention, and big sis gets a bit frustrated with her.
"alice, would you kindly pay attention to your history lesson?" she says with an exhaustive sigh.
alice replies, frustrated, "but how can one possibly pay attention to a book with no pictures in it?"
"my dear child, there are a great many books in this world without pictures" (she's right, but that isn't the point, keep reading).
"in your world, perhaps. but in my world, the books would be nothing but pictures!" alice says, quite satisfied.
"your world?! ugh! what nonsense!" her sister laughs.
it is then that alice realizes that yes, if she had a world of her own, everything would be nonsense.
it's true there are things in "my" world that are completely nonsensical, like my desire to have magical powers or the ability to slay vampires (i know, whatever. vampires don't exist, blah, blah...) but i exist in the "normal" world perfectly fine. i have a full-time job, for example. i go grocery shopping with my mom, i take my turn doing the dishes or cooking dinner, i pay my car payment every month, i am responsible (ish) for my healthcare, i excercise... i could go on, but this normal business is quite boring, as you can tell.
my point, however poorly made, is this: why does it matter if sometimes i wish i had the ability to snap my fingers and have a clean room? why does it matter that i laugh, quite often, during an episode of hannah montana? (or JONAS? or wizards of waverly place? never do i laugh at iCARLY, i must add. haha) so what if i'd rather go to disneyland than france? why is it ridiculous for me to like the jonas brothers, just because i'm not fourteen? sure, i've read the harry potter series numerous times, but i also read serious books, classic books, and nonfiction books. i will argue to defend the jonas brothers, but i also will argue (and quite well) to defend my religion, my political beliefs, and my family.
i used to put alot of pressure on myself to let my "nonsense" stuff go. you know, take the posters off of my wall, throw away my joe jonas sweat pants, give up the midnight showings... things like that. it was really hard for a while because i was torn between living a full "grown-up" life and living a life in which i write my "to-do's" down in a harry potter calendar. it was only just the other day, when i was driving to my friend malia's house, that i realized that i can have both, in moderation.
i was driving to malia's for dinner and a music exchange fest but i knew that it might very well be the last time i saw her (for a while, anyway). she is moving to boston next week because her very talented and smart husband got accepted into harvard (woo hoo). i was kind of, sort of crying because i am really sad to lose her. she is a very good friend to me and i love her quite alot. while i was driving i was listening to a jonas brothers cd from 2006 when they were basically just babies (it's really very comical) and this song came on and it was nick's little voice singing "time for me to fly" or something silly, and for a moment i really just felt vair, vair happy.
here i was, going to do this "grown-up" thing, saying goodbye, and i was listening to teen pop- and loving it. for a moment i thought, "who cares?", and i meant that about everything. i have never cared what people think of me, why would i start now, so late in life? i don't care if people laugh at me or think i am ridiculous because i am, quite literally, in my own world. they don't have to like it because they aren't invited to live in it anyways.
i saw harry potter and the half blood prince yesterday (loved every second of it, you should know), and the scene that was my favorite was when harry drinks his felix felicis. he was so funny during those moments when he was affected by the "liquid luck" and it was so fun to see harry so carefree (he is usually under some distress. that comes with being "the chosen one", i suppose) anyways, here are some things that i consider my "felix felicis", the things that make me a bit floaty and giddy. these are some things that make my world spin round; things that make me happy no matter how bummed i am. i'll keep the list short, so as not to get too boring.
-a cold bottle of evian.
-swimming.
-my mother.
-any episode from any season of buffy the vampire slayer.
-any *NSYNC song from the "no strings attached" album.
- when one (or all) of the jonas boys wear a v-neck shirt or a plaid button-up shirt. bonus points if they wear them both together.
-pizza.
-driving up the mountain at night with chanel, and singing at tip top notch.
-random text messages.
-taking pictures of myself. i don't know why. i just think this is fun.
-michael scott. bonus points if he is having a conversation with dwight or jim.
-episodes of JONAS and wizards of waverly place. i don't watch tv ever, really. but when i do, it is tivoed episodes of these shows.
-getting emails from my aunt jennie.
-texting with malia about stupid celebrity gossip.
-my lovelies (cole, summer, meg, and isaac. malleri, merissa, and ella.)
-going to a movie with my family.
-reading things that i have written.
-my primary class (and presidency).
-reading old emails and instant messaging conversations from kenny.
-writing and reciting haiku's in accents with samantha.
it isn't hard to gain access into my world, it just takes a little acceptance. sometimes, if we let ourselves go and accept that we cannot control every little thing that happens to us, it's easier to remember what made us so carefree as children. i struggle with life, there's no doubt. it seems as though there is something new to think or worry about everyday. but it helps if i can slip away for small moments into a place where magic happens.
don't worry, i always come back.
love,
gabrielle.
xx
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
7.17.2009
4.01.2009
my state of mind has finally got the best of me.
there's a strange sort of feeling that comes over me when i realize that something is over. it's a feeling that is hard to identify or label. it's not sadness, happiness, nor content. it's a very solemn, almost empty feeling... maybe a bit calming? relief?
whether it's friendships or other sorts of "ships", school or even a t.v. show, when something ends, i get that same sort of feeling. happy to reflect on memories stored in the files of my mind, sad to close a chapter, unwilling to let go, unable to stay, and uncertain of the future. not sure what that closed door means... does it mean that another door opens? and if another door does open, am i going to like what experiences come with that new opportunity? it's times like these that i am reminded that growing up never really gets easier, you're problems just adapt to your age. like when i think back to 2003, for example, and the problems i faced then i would gladly tackle those problems now. if i think back even further to high school, the "problems" i faced then are almost laughable to me now (almost). sometimes i like to cheer myself up by telling myself "in a year these problems of yours will be a cake walk, miss walz", and for a moment my fears and worries subside and i am able to prance around and be silly and carefree, and most of the time that's what i am. yet here i sit on the eve of my 25th year and there are some "issues" that i feel consumed by, that overwhelm me. at times i feel at peace b/c i know in six months time these "issues" will be a small spot in my past, just another story for the books but at the same time i worry about what new issues will present themselves. why is it that we always feel we are at our limit?
what started off as a rant about closure has turned into a quite depressing rant about time, sorry, i'll head back to the original idea. just recently i've closed off a part of my life and it just hit me today that it is over. this time the decision was mine and i'm greatful for that at least, but still, there are times when i catch myself dissecting that relationship. i'm not sure what i'm looking for, really. i just find myself searching for a moment where maybe i was given a clue as to how it would all turn out, or maybe there was a moment where i could have said something but didn't, more likely is the chance that i said something and should have held my tongue. then i start rehashing scenarios and conversations, reading over letters or text messages and journals, looking at photos... if i let myself i could be totally swept away studying moments from the past. but just barely i thought to myself "what's the point?" i can read letters, i can hilight sentences and analyze them, i can remember conversations or events that took place but the "evidence" of love that i find won't change the outcome. it's like.... finding a dead body and doing a bunch of detective work to find out how the person was killed and why they died and if you could have done anything to save the person. at the end of all that time and research, you've still got a dead body. placing the blame on someone doesn't un-do what has been done, it doesn't change the decisions that were made. yep... still no pulse.
something i've learned, or maybe just realized, is that sometimes things just happen. sometimes things just don't work out. sometimes there is nothing more that i could have done. pouring over letters and conversations isn't going to do anything except make me feel worse.
it's a sad day when i realize i have to be a grown up. i realized it years ago, but it still feels like i just figured it out yesterday. i still feel brand new.
lyrics of the day:
"So with dignity and grace, you have to erase
All the things in your mind that replay, and replay, and replay.
The things that made you cry, that you forgave, you let go by,
Or you will push the one you love out of your life."
-maria taylor.
whether it's friendships or other sorts of "ships", school or even a t.v. show, when something ends, i get that same sort of feeling. happy to reflect on memories stored in the files of my mind, sad to close a chapter, unwilling to let go, unable to stay, and uncertain of the future. not sure what that closed door means... does it mean that another door opens? and if another door does open, am i going to like what experiences come with that new opportunity? it's times like these that i am reminded that growing up never really gets easier, you're problems just adapt to your age. like when i think back to 2003, for example, and the problems i faced then i would gladly tackle those problems now. if i think back even further to high school, the "problems" i faced then are almost laughable to me now (almost). sometimes i like to cheer myself up by telling myself "in a year these problems of yours will be a cake walk, miss walz", and for a moment my fears and worries subside and i am able to prance around and be silly and carefree, and most of the time that's what i am. yet here i sit on the eve of my 25th year and there are some "issues" that i feel consumed by, that overwhelm me. at times i feel at peace b/c i know in six months time these "issues" will be a small spot in my past, just another story for the books but at the same time i worry about what new issues will present themselves. why is it that we always feel we are at our limit?
what started off as a rant about closure has turned into a quite depressing rant about time, sorry, i'll head back to the original idea. just recently i've closed off a part of my life and it just hit me today that it is over. this time the decision was mine and i'm greatful for that at least, but still, there are times when i catch myself dissecting that relationship. i'm not sure what i'm looking for, really. i just find myself searching for a moment where maybe i was given a clue as to how it would all turn out, or maybe there was a moment where i could have said something but didn't, more likely is the chance that i said something and should have held my tongue. then i start rehashing scenarios and conversations, reading over letters or text messages and journals, looking at photos... if i let myself i could be totally swept away studying moments from the past. but just barely i thought to myself "what's the point?" i can read letters, i can hilight sentences and analyze them, i can remember conversations or events that took place but the "evidence" of love that i find won't change the outcome. it's like.... finding a dead body and doing a bunch of detective work to find out how the person was killed and why they died and if you could have done anything to save the person. at the end of all that time and research, you've still got a dead body. placing the blame on someone doesn't un-do what has been done, it doesn't change the decisions that were made. yep... still no pulse.
something i've learned, or maybe just realized, is that sometimes things just happen. sometimes things just don't work out. sometimes there is nothing more that i could have done. pouring over letters and conversations isn't going to do anything except make me feel worse.
it's a sad day when i realize i have to be a grown up. i realized it years ago, but it still feels like i just figured it out yesterday. i still feel brand new.
lyrics of the day:
"So with dignity and grace, you have to erase
All the things in your mind that replay, and replay, and replay.
The things that made you cry, that you forgave, you let go by,
Or you will push the one you love out of your life."
-maria taylor.
3.30.2009
say.
i'm having a difficult time right now deciding which of my thoughts i should say out loud and which thoughts i should leave in my head. things have been pretty crazy lately vis a vis my emotions... they have kind of been all over the place. hence, my hesitation to say what i feel when i feel it. alot of the time i don't feel the same way a few days later (sometimes even a few hours later) . i've always been a pretty emotional girl, and i quite like that about myself. i like that when i am happy, i am consumed by that happiness, that it crosses borders into other parts of my life. i also like that i have the ability to be sad, that i have the ability to identify my sadness and express it and learn from it. it seems like lately i have been filtering my thoughts a bit more and not saying as much as i usually do, which may be a good thing, i don't know. i just know that on occasion, i feel like i am going to either explode or drown. which sounds worse than it is. probably. there really is no point to this rant other than to say that i don't know what to do. for the first time in a long time i feel a bit lost. today i was going through some music and i came across a song by john mayer and i kind of hate quoting him because he tends to be a douche more often than not. but his music is actually really, really brilliant. there's a song of his called "say" that i read the lyrics to and one line in particular caught my attention. it's weird bc i don't always get inspiration from songs, but it's always really eye-opening when i do bc it's usually from songs that i've listened to a thousand times. anyways, if you get a chance you should read all of the lyrics to that song bc, even though it was written by a douche, the whole song is amazing. i'm just going to print the lyrics that stood out the most to me...
"IT'S BETTER TO SAY TOO MUCH THAN [TO] NEVER SAY WHAT YOU NEED TO SAY."
so, after a night of "dreaming" about scenarios, a few hours of deliberating and thinking, and finally after consulting my "go-to" peeps (thank you malia and trevor) i decided that it's best that i say what i need to. it's better for me anyways. i could sit here and be bothered for the next few hours/days/weeks/whatever, or i could just say what i feel and be done with it. i think relationships would be so much easier if we could all just do eachother that little courtesy. when i think of how much time i've wasted worrying and over-analyzing it makes me nuts. it's all very high school, the worrying and deciphering "guy code" and such, and it seems like such a waste of time. especially since, as much as i would like to be (ha ha), i am NOT in high school anymore. and, like (apparently) everyone else, i am busy (yes, that can be an excuse for me too, though i don't use it as one).
there are so few times that i regret saying something. in fact, off hand, i can't remember any situations where i regret speaking my mind. that's not to say that i don't remember a time where i told someone how i feel and they didn't feel the same way, bc i remember quite a few times like that. i even remember feeling embarassed about what i said. but there are so many instances that i can think of-right off the top of my head- where i held my tongue and didn't tell someone how i felt, and those are the things i regret, those are the moments that could have changed everything. i just think that it's better to say what i feel and get it out there and know for certain that someone knows what i'm feeling, no guesses on their part or mine. i gotta tell you, if someone's decision to jump ship is based on my thoughts or feelings, then it's best that they jump ship sooner rather than later.
"IT'S BETTER TO SAY TOO MUCH THAN [TO] NEVER SAY WHAT YOU NEED TO SAY."
so, after a night of "dreaming" about scenarios, a few hours of deliberating and thinking, and finally after consulting my "go-to" peeps (thank you malia and trevor) i decided that it's best that i say what i need to. it's better for me anyways. i could sit here and be bothered for the next few hours/days/weeks/whatever, or i could just say what i feel and be done with it. i think relationships would be so much easier if we could all just do eachother that little courtesy. when i think of how much time i've wasted worrying and over-analyzing it makes me nuts. it's all very high school, the worrying and deciphering "guy code" and such, and it seems like such a waste of time. especially since, as much as i would like to be (ha ha), i am NOT in high school anymore. and, like (apparently) everyone else, i am busy (yes, that can be an excuse for me too, though i don't use it as one).
there are so few times that i regret saying something. in fact, off hand, i can't remember any situations where i regret speaking my mind. that's not to say that i don't remember a time where i told someone how i feel and they didn't feel the same way, bc i remember quite a few times like that. i even remember feeling embarassed about what i said. but there are so many instances that i can think of-right off the top of my head- where i held my tongue and didn't tell someone how i felt, and those are the things i regret, those are the moments that could have changed everything. i just think that it's better to say what i feel and get it out there and know for certain that someone knows what i'm feeling, no guesses on their part or mine. i gotta tell you, if someone's decision to jump ship is based on my thoughts or feelings, then it's best that they jump ship sooner rather than later.
3.18.2009
love actually.
the other day i was thinking about this thing that happened to me in seventh grade and it's a pretty great thing, so i thought i'd share.
for my brithday in seventh grade (i was turning 13, just wanted to bring you all to a mental place with me) my friend gave me a case of flavored water. i know, it sounds random, actually it was really nice b/c flavored water had just become all the rage so... i was the coolest thirteen-year-old of all time. anyways i was given this case of like, 24 water bottles that i then had to cart around all day (not that i'm complaining...) needless to say it got old after like, three classes. there was this kid in science who i sat by (we'll call him "Kid A", for privacy reasons) and we used to talk in class all the time, we were like, science class friends or whathaveyou. the point is, we weren't like besties or anything, but he offered to carry around my water case for me from class to class.... which he then did b/c apparently i let him. let's just say for my sake that i argued with him about it a bit before i let him do it, i don't want to seem like some seventh grade kino jr. high diva or anything. the point is, Kid A walked along side me for the second half of my day and carried my case of flavored water for me so that i didn't have to. what kind of a kid does that? in seventh grade, no less. me being my seventh grade, self loathing self really thought nothing of it, but thinking about it the other day made me think that he probably was crushing on me a little bit, you know, in a seventh grade way. the point of this rant is, i thought everyone hated me in junior high. granted, i had some pretty significant things happen with people that would make me think that, but still. i kind of spent my time with these people who were always more popular than i was, always richer, always skinnier (although never funnier or better dressed, i'm just sayin'...) and i think i kind of fell by the wayside a bit. i kind of flew under the radar. i was always "so-and-so's friend". guys didn't like me b/c why would they when they could like my friends? (don't get me wrong, i am quite happy that i don't have the track record that most girls have from high school). remembering this story though, it made me think of other things and it kind of made me realize that love actually was all around me when i was growing up, it just wasn't in the form that i was looking for, or the form that i knew how to identify. it wasn't the kind of love my friends were receiving so i just didn't notice it. it all makes me wonder what kind of love is being thrown my way now that i am missing...
how cute is Kid A, btw? that was pretty stellar of him, regardless of why he did it.
for my brithday in seventh grade (i was turning 13, just wanted to bring you all to a mental place with me) my friend gave me a case of flavored water. i know, it sounds random, actually it was really nice b/c flavored water had just become all the rage so... i was the coolest thirteen-year-old of all time. anyways i was given this case of like, 24 water bottles that i then had to cart around all day (not that i'm complaining...) needless to say it got old after like, three classes. there was this kid in science who i sat by (we'll call him "Kid A", for privacy reasons) and we used to talk in class all the time, we were like, science class friends or whathaveyou. the point is, we weren't like besties or anything, but he offered to carry around my water case for me from class to class.... which he then did b/c apparently i let him. let's just say for my sake that i argued with him about it a bit before i let him do it, i don't want to seem like some seventh grade kino jr. high diva or anything. the point is, Kid A walked along side me for the second half of my day and carried my case of flavored water for me so that i didn't have to. what kind of a kid does that? in seventh grade, no less. me being my seventh grade, self loathing self really thought nothing of it, but thinking about it the other day made me think that he probably was crushing on me a little bit, you know, in a seventh grade way. the point of this rant is, i thought everyone hated me in junior high. granted, i had some pretty significant things happen with people that would make me think that, but still. i kind of spent my time with these people who were always more popular than i was, always richer, always skinnier (although never funnier or better dressed, i'm just sayin'...) and i think i kind of fell by the wayside a bit. i kind of flew under the radar. i was always "so-and-so's friend". guys didn't like me b/c why would they when they could like my friends? (don't get me wrong, i am quite happy that i don't have the track record that most girls have from high school). remembering this story though, it made me think of other things and it kind of made me realize that love actually was all around me when i was growing up, it just wasn't in the form that i was looking for, or the form that i knew how to identify. it wasn't the kind of love my friends were receiving so i just didn't notice it. it all makes me wonder what kind of love is being thrown my way now that i am missing...
how cute is Kid A, btw? that was pretty stellar of him, regardless of why he did it.
3.09.2009
summer vacation.
wow. what a lame picture. haha. i was trying to make this BIG announcement, but apparently it's just a small announcement b/c i can't find a bigger picture than that one (or really, i'm not willing to look).
so, happy summer vacation to me because this year i am going to see my favorite people of the moment, the JONAS BROTHERS, at stadium of fire in provo. it's been three years since i've gone to stadium of fire so i am REALLY EXCITED to go back and the fact that i get to see the jonai while i'm there pretty much just makes my life. i was really worried about getting tickets since there was somewhat of a frenzy in ut when they announced who would be performing. i had to work out a strategy for my online ordering that involved five laptops- three in az, two in mn- and three desktops- two in az, one in mn. it was pretty crazy there for a while (the website was crashing bc all of the people logging on at once) and i really didn't think i was gonna be able to get tickets. i got through and we ended up with seats ON THE FIELD which is really really lucky since it's probably the only time i will get to see the jobros that close up. and my family from mn is gonna drive down and go with me so i don't have to adorn the field alone. i'm really so excited. i am having a hard time expressing emotion lately, it's very weird for me. i'm finding myself struggle to find words to describe how i am feeling, and for those of you that know me, you know that i've never been one to not know how to express myself. so it's very bizzare and quite unnerving. then i get these huge rushes of emotion where i just feel so much that i want to scream and it usually results in me crying. like last night when my brother hit me in the face with a ball- twice. i just flew off the handle. and yesterday when i was making lunch i was watching the disney movie sky high... i hope you people know what i am talking about when i mention that movie. ok, it's not even a sad movie but it is about this high school for super heroes and at the end all of the "side kicks" get to step up and be heroes... hahaha... and i dont remember exactly what was said, but the gist of it is that everyone can be superheroes, even sidekicks or something totally cheesy like that. well, i started to cry. no really, i did. and then i was like laughing b/c i am like "really, gabby? are you seriously crying right now about this?" but i did, and i was. and it's true, right? i can be a superhero.
gotta go before i start with the water works again. le sigh.
gabrielle.
**side note: i have spent the past two weeks or so defending the fact that i, quite often, enjoy pop music (namely the jonas brothers). it has been driving me crazy defending these guys and their "legitimate" talent... i don't know why it bothers me to have people make fun of them, but it does (i'm just going to blame that on the weird hormones too). i have seriously been having flashbacks to circa 1999 when i had to defend *NSYNC and britney spears bc i SO loved them and everyone else in my family SO did not. i was pretty much made fun of for like five years straight until the general public decided that justin timberlake was legit, along with britney spears. so... whatever, that's all water under the pop bridge or what have you. my point is, if you don't have anything nice to say about these boys, then just don't talk to me about them. at least, not until my hormones organize themselves, b/c it bugs the fire out of me. i'm not saying you have to like them, but you definately have to just let me like them and leave me alone about it. kthanksbye.
12.08.2008
I think that it's brainless to assume that making changes to your window's view will give a new perspective.
so, it's "winter", which in arizona means i can wear a hoodie without sweating for 27 minutes in the morning, and that the cacti now have little twinkling lights on them. it also means i am broke as a (not funny) joke, and that i am tired bc it is dark in the morning when i have to be awake. but it also means good things too, like christmas music and christmas lights and hot chocolate and time with family and scarves and hats and sweaters.
how about this... if i had a time machine, i would rewind my life five years, which means i would be in december of 2003 and working at MAC right now. it also means that i would be like 35 lbs heavier and blonde and hating myself... because that's what i did in 2003. 2003-2004 were like my worst years emotionally. so why do i want to go back? good question. because, i could let my 19 yr old self in on a little secret... it's not that bad. seriously, and it can get worse. i really really miss my friends from that time period. and i hardly see any of them anymore. am i just thinking of one in particular? probably. right now it just seems like my brain is ramen noodles, all soggy and mooshy and i just don't know what to say about where i am in life right now. i suppose i am just severely nostalgic.
i am on a quest for a hoodie that has fur in the hood part of it. i had one of these, but it was too short on me, so i am now forever looking for a longer one. I WANT ONE SO BAD! please help.
also, i would like for my eye shadow not to crease. am i reaching for the stars on that one?
i am obsessed with the following cds: lady gaga, the ting tings, the killers, britney spears, kanye west, and jsut for fun, i am jamming on some old death cab for cutie tunes. man, i love that band.
another item i am on a quest for: shoes, black with high heels. just fyi.
and i also need a mate. you know, an "other half", a player two for when i play nintendo, some cheese for my maccaroni. i feel like bridget jones: "i need a boyfriend!", but i want one, dang it. i can't help it, i just do. i've decided not to fight it any longer. i'm just going to admit that, yes, i am human and yes, i get lonely. whatcha gonna do?
i was supposed to read today but i got no reading done. minus 500 for me. now i must finish up work and head home so i can lay in bed and mope and listen to records. wa hoo.
how about this... if i had a time machine, i would rewind my life five years, which means i would be in december of 2003 and working at MAC right now. it also means that i would be like 35 lbs heavier and blonde and hating myself... because that's what i did in 2003. 2003-2004 were like my worst years emotionally. so why do i want to go back? good question. because, i could let my 19 yr old self in on a little secret... it's not that bad. seriously, and it can get worse. i really really miss my friends from that time period. and i hardly see any of them anymore. am i just thinking of one in particular? probably. right now it just seems like my brain is ramen noodles, all soggy and mooshy and i just don't know what to say about where i am in life right now. i suppose i am just severely nostalgic.
i am on a quest for a hoodie that has fur in the hood part of it. i had one of these, but it was too short on me, so i am now forever looking for a longer one. I WANT ONE SO BAD! please help.
also, i would like for my eye shadow not to crease. am i reaching for the stars on that one?
i am obsessed with the following cds: lady gaga, the ting tings, the killers, britney spears, kanye west, and jsut for fun, i am jamming on some old death cab for cutie tunes. man, i love that band.
another item i am on a quest for: shoes, black with high heels. just fyi.
and i also need a mate. you know, an "other half", a player two for when i play nintendo, some cheese for my maccaroni. i feel like bridget jones: "i need a boyfriend!", but i want one, dang it. i can't help it, i just do. i've decided not to fight it any longer. i'm just going to admit that, yes, i am human and yes, i get lonely. whatcha gonna do?
i was supposed to read today but i got no reading done. minus 500 for me. now i must finish up work and head home so i can lay in bed and mope and listen to records. wa hoo.
11.21.2008
the results are in... my TWILIGHT movie review.
I’ve read three of the four Twilight books. Like many, I finished them quickly but unlike many, I found them quite average. Not that I didn’t enjoy reading them while I was reading them, they kept my interest easily enough. But I didn’t see anything phenomenal or particularly redeeming about the story. Maybe it’s me, maybe I am a cynic or too harsh of a critic (most of you have experienced my harshness via my “Juno” review from last year), or maybe i am too picky due to the fact that i have seen all seven seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer at least 17 times. Don’t get me wrong, these books are entertaining enough (I’m assuming that there is at least one person reading this who hasn’t read the books), their simplistic writing style masked by a forbidden love story that no doubt is what captured reader’s hearts so intensely. Much to my surprise these books have become somewhat of a pop culture phenomenon, creating this huge four-headed (or four-"parted") monster that has left fans of all ages completely smitten and begging for more. Comparisons to J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter novels continue to baffle me, as I consider that series to be a work of literary genius, while the Twilight saga remains, to me, a work of teenage fiction. This is to be my attempt at a impartial review of the movie I saw last night (at midnight, no less, amongst "Twihards" and Twilight Moms, "Team Edwards", and "Team Jacobs", and even a few "twiGUYS"). I’m trying not to be too judgmental, given the fact that I don’t love the books, and really can’t stand the casting director’s choice for Bella. Also, I don’t want to sound too cynical or harsh or bitter or anything like that since i am not any of those things. I do want to make a small disclaimer that I really like Stephenie Meyer and I am happy for her success. I also would like to add that I was excited for this movie, as I have been making a cast list in my mind/on my blog since last august. With all that being said, on to the reviewing…
The movie starts out exactly like the book does, with quiet, awkward Bella Swan moving away from her mother and her home in hot, sunny Phoenix (which apparently no one who had a part in this film has ever been to, as the depiction of Phoenix was LAUGHABLE and stereotypical and just... incorrect, not to mention, filmed in parts of California) to live with her dad in cold and rainy Forks (just in case viewers didn’t know what Phoenix is all about, Bella takes a mini cactus with her to Washington. Because, you know, we’re drowning in them here). Bella’s (played by the bothered and monotone “actress” Kristen Stewart) voice narrates throughout the movie, which is the screenwriter’s way of taking quotes directly from the novel, I’m sure, but after a while, her voice began to grate on me. Stewart does a good enough job of portraying the awkwardness of Bella, tripping and/or slipping several times (taking lessons from Sandra bullock, I’m sure) and stumbling and stuttering through conversations with other students. I was impressed with the performances of her classmates, Jessica, Mike, and Eric. They were surprisingly endearing and often scene-stealing. When we first see the Cullen clan in the cafeteria, I though “Really? That’s the Cullen’s?” i mean, aren’t these kids supposed to be hauntingly beautiful and mysterious? Edward’s “siblings” and “parents” definitely earn the title of “most poorly cast”. I just didn’t like anything about them… they were awkward in their roles, the blonde hair on Carlisle and Rosalie looked cheap and fake (it was, but come on), most of them were over-acting to compensate for what? I’m not sure. And I’m sorry, but Carlisle was just creepy. I actually really like the actor who portrayed him (Peter Facinelli) and I am happy he’s getting work, but he wasn’t Carlisle to me at all. He is Italian, so he has olive-toned skin and dark hair naturally. So when they slap all this makeup on him and dip his head in peroxide it just seems… cheap i guess? Silly? Were there no good looking blonde actors available? I have the same problem with Rosalie, played by Nikki Reed who is Mexican in real life, but pale and blonde in the movie. The blonde hair was just rusty colored and fake looking. It would have been better to (gasp!) stray from the book a bit and leave them dark haired or, you know, just cast actual blonde actors. Kellan Lutz was cast as Emmett and was neither scene stealing nor offensive as such, and Jackson Rathbone has to be the most puzzling cast member to me- he is straight up weird looking and awkward throughout the whole film (luckily he only had a small amount of screen time). Alice (played by Ashley Greene) who I really loved in the novel is miscast as well, and comes off as very annoying (have I mentioned yet that none of these actors are beautiful as the Cullen’s were? I think i have). Billy Burke and Taylor Lautner both had redeeming roles as Charlie swan and Jacob Black. I really look forward to seeing Jacob’s character develop in the next movie, I thought he was great. Billy Burke had a few scenes with Kristen Stewart that were quite good, actually. He really made me feel bad for Charlie. The best casting choice was obviously that of Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen. He is quite beautiful and easy to watch. I also loved the casting of Cam Gigandet as James. He was great and chiseled and beautiful and not in the movie anywhere near enough. That's what a vampire looks like, folks. Yum.
My main problem with the movie was the script. I’m sorry, I know they were going off of the book here, but it was harder for me to get into than the book was, and at times, I was bored. Bland lines spoken monotonely by Kristen and Robert failed to impress me or engulf me in their forbidden love. I wasn’t convinced at all that they were falling in love with each other. When she first tells him she loves him I just thought “Really? You don’t even know him” whereas in the book, I believe it. If a story is told well, it doesn’t matter how long the characters have known each other, I get involved in their lives together. I just really didn’t feel like these characters were developed well enough throughout the script, I didn’t feel like I knew them at all. The only reason I had any sense of who they are is because I’d read the book. (Side note: they should have had Robert wax his chest… vampires are chiseled and do not have chest hair, especially 17-year-old ones). I also felt like the first half of the movie was just shots of Bella’s face, then Edward’s face, then Bella’s face, then both faces together, then Edward’s face. I don’t know, the filming seemed choppy to me, the flying/running at the speed of light scenes were ridiculous, as I knew they would be because, well, flying is ridiculous. Many reviews I’ve read have commented on the cheesiness of those scenes but come on people, It’s fiction. How real can you be? Also, the special effects are the least of the movie’s issues. The lack of character development, camera shots, and choppiness of the film were much more annoying to me than how Edward looked when he “sparkled” (which actually, wasn't bad).
There were scenes I was fond of. The scene where the two are lying in the meadow, the scene in Edward’s bedroom (they got the Cullen’s house spot-on), the scene where Edward is in Bella's room and they kiss for the first time, the scene where they talk all night and he watches her sleep and she pulls herself closer to him and wraps her arms around him- I loved those scenes. Those scenes were the only scenes where I felt any chemistry at all between the two actors. Those scenes made me want them to be together. Aside from those scenes, there is no chemistry at all between the two actors, which can be witnessed perfectly in the interviews they've done together to promote the movie.
Overall it was the lack of character development, boring script, the jumps from monotone acting to extremely dramatic overacting, and the choppiness of filming that left me with a feeling of “meh, whatever” at the end of the movie. I actually left the movie shrugging my shoulders. Nothing particularly offended me, but certainly nothing dazzled me either. Fans of the book will LOVE this movie. People who haven’t read the books will leave the theater wondering what the big whoop is, which is sad to me because I really thought this was a good opportunity to get everyone to fall in love with their story. But what can I say when even I wasn’t convinced and I’ve read the books. Oh, and I must quickly add that it had as many cheesy lines as HSM3, at one point Edward even calls Bella his “spider monkey”, much like Gabriella calls Troy her “wildcat”. If you're debating whether or not you should see the movie, you definately should give yourself the chance to fall in love with a vampire. As for me, my heart and neck still belong to Angel. (If you don't know who that is, please do some "Buffy" research. He would kick Edward's butt!)
p.s. my pics from the midnight show will be posted at a later time.
The movie starts out exactly like the book does, with quiet, awkward Bella Swan moving away from her mother and her home in hot, sunny Phoenix (which apparently no one who had a part in this film has ever been to, as the depiction of Phoenix was LAUGHABLE and stereotypical and just... incorrect, not to mention, filmed in parts of California) to live with her dad in cold and rainy Forks (just in case viewers didn’t know what Phoenix is all about, Bella takes a mini cactus with her to Washington. Because, you know, we’re drowning in them here). Bella’s (played by the bothered and monotone “actress” Kristen Stewart) voice narrates throughout the movie, which is the screenwriter’s way of taking quotes directly from the novel, I’m sure, but after a while, her voice began to grate on me. Stewart does a good enough job of portraying the awkwardness of Bella, tripping and/or slipping several times (taking lessons from Sandra bullock, I’m sure) and stumbling and stuttering through conversations with other students. I was impressed with the performances of her classmates, Jessica, Mike, and Eric. They were surprisingly endearing and often scene-stealing. When we first see the Cullen clan in the cafeteria, I though “Really? That’s the Cullen’s?” i mean, aren’t these kids supposed to be hauntingly beautiful and mysterious? Edward’s “siblings” and “parents” definitely earn the title of “most poorly cast”. I just didn’t like anything about them… they were awkward in their roles, the blonde hair on Carlisle and Rosalie looked cheap and fake (it was, but come on), most of them were over-acting to compensate for what? I’m not sure. And I’m sorry, but Carlisle was just creepy. I actually really like the actor who portrayed him (Peter Facinelli) and I am happy he’s getting work, but he wasn’t Carlisle to me at all. He is Italian, so he has olive-toned skin and dark hair naturally. So when they slap all this makeup on him and dip his head in peroxide it just seems… cheap i guess? Silly? Were there no good looking blonde actors available? I have the same problem with Rosalie, played by Nikki Reed who is Mexican in real life, but pale and blonde in the movie. The blonde hair was just rusty colored and fake looking. It would have been better to (gasp!) stray from the book a bit and leave them dark haired or, you know, just cast actual blonde actors. Kellan Lutz was cast as Emmett and was neither scene stealing nor offensive as such, and Jackson Rathbone has to be the most puzzling cast member to me- he is straight up weird looking and awkward throughout the whole film (luckily he only had a small amount of screen time). Alice (played by Ashley Greene) who I really loved in the novel is miscast as well, and comes off as very annoying (have I mentioned yet that none of these actors are beautiful as the Cullen’s were? I think i have). Billy Burke and Taylor Lautner both had redeeming roles as Charlie swan and Jacob Black. I really look forward to seeing Jacob’s character develop in the next movie, I thought he was great. Billy Burke had a few scenes with Kristen Stewart that were quite good, actually. He really made me feel bad for Charlie. The best casting choice was obviously that of Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen. He is quite beautiful and easy to watch. I also loved the casting of Cam Gigandet as James. He was great and chiseled and beautiful and not in the movie anywhere near enough. That's what a vampire looks like, folks. Yum.
My main problem with the movie was the script. I’m sorry, I know they were going off of the book here, but it was harder for me to get into than the book was, and at times, I was bored. Bland lines spoken monotonely by Kristen and Robert failed to impress me or engulf me in their forbidden love. I wasn’t convinced at all that they were falling in love with each other. When she first tells him she loves him I just thought “Really? You don’t even know him” whereas in the book, I believe it. If a story is told well, it doesn’t matter how long the characters have known each other, I get involved in their lives together. I just really didn’t feel like these characters were developed well enough throughout the script, I didn’t feel like I knew them at all. The only reason I had any sense of who they are is because I’d read the book. (Side note: they should have had Robert wax his chest… vampires are chiseled and do not have chest hair, especially 17-year-old ones). I also felt like the first half of the movie was just shots of Bella’s face, then Edward’s face, then Bella’s face, then both faces together, then Edward’s face. I don’t know, the filming seemed choppy to me, the flying/running at the speed of light scenes were ridiculous, as I knew they would be because, well, flying is ridiculous. Many reviews I’ve read have commented on the cheesiness of those scenes but come on people, It’s fiction. How real can you be? Also, the special effects are the least of the movie’s issues. The lack of character development, camera shots, and choppiness of the film were much more annoying to me than how Edward looked when he “sparkled” (which actually, wasn't bad).
There were scenes I was fond of. The scene where the two are lying in the meadow, the scene in Edward’s bedroom (they got the Cullen’s house spot-on), the scene where Edward is in Bella's room and they kiss for the first time, the scene where they talk all night and he watches her sleep and she pulls herself closer to him and wraps her arms around him- I loved those scenes. Those scenes were the only scenes where I felt any chemistry at all between the two actors. Those scenes made me want them to be together. Aside from those scenes, there is no chemistry at all between the two actors, which can be witnessed perfectly in the interviews they've done together to promote the movie.
Overall it was the lack of character development, boring script, the jumps from monotone acting to extremely dramatic overacting, and the choppiness of filming that left me with a feeling of “meh, whatever” at the end of the movie. I actually left the movie shrugging my shoulders. Nothing particularly offended me, but certainly nothing dazzled me either. Fans of the book will LOVE this movie. People who haven’t read the books will leave the theater wondering what the big whoop is, which is sad to me because I really thought this was a good opportunity to get everyone to fall in love with their story. But what can I say when even I wasn’t convinced and I’ve read the books. Oh, and I must quickly add that it had as many cheesy lines as HSM3, at one point Edward even calls Bella his “spider monkey”, much like Gabriella calls Troy her “wildcat”. If you're debating whether or not you should see the movie, you definately should give yourself the chance to fall in love with a vampire. As for me, my heart and neck still belong to Angel. (If you don't know who that is, please do some "Buffy" research. He would kick Edward's butt!)
p.s. my pics from the midnight show will be posted at a later time.
11.04.2008
things which haven't been said.
i have truly avoided writing blogs such as this one because i don't want to offend anyone, and i don't want to come off as sounding pompous or pious or judgemental, but i really and truly can't be silent anymore. it's not that i think that i have a supreme influence over people, because that is not the case. if my intentions were to influence then i would have written this a long time ago. i just feel that if people in my life are to know anything about who i am and what i believe, this is the perfect time to step out in defense of certain things. let me also preface this by saying that i love and appreciate everyone in my life, regardless of their beliefs or who they are voting for today. by coming out and making a statement i am not hoping to alienate any of my friends who believe differently than i do, it's quite the opposite. it's my hope that in times such as these we find strength in our differences and use them to bring us closer together, not further apart; and not only do i wish this for my personal relationships, but also for our nation as well. the truth is, things are about to get bad. they are about to get really bad. and if we use this election to break our people further apart then we will be in more trouble than anyone can imagine.
i have an odd feeling right now as i am getting ready to go vote, almost a feeling of despair. this is my first major election that i am able to vote in, and i am so excited. (there is a story that goes along with the 2004 election, which i waited in line for 2.5 hrs to be turned away, but that is a whole other blog entirely.) it's hard for me to put a label on what i am feeling right now... am i nervous? sad? scared? unaware? naiive? maybe i am everything. maybe i am nothing. i just know that i had a similar feeling a little over seven years ago, in september of 2001. yes, i am frightened, yes i am confused, yes i am worried. the future remains a mystery, as it always does, and the unknown is always what is most scary. it has always been a sort of "rule" for me to not discuss two things in my blogs: politics, and religion. i am breaking both of those rules today for the first, and hopefully last time.
i wonder who we are as a nation, as americans. i wonder what this election will say about us. it scares me to think that we aren't the "good guys" anymore. i want for us to succeed, for us to do good, for us to be right. i want my country to grow and prosper, and to become a place where i am not afraid to raise my children, a place where i am not afraid to raise myself. i want to be proud of where i live, proud of the people i live among. for the most part, these are silly dreams, wishes upon stars, childish hopes; but they are real, and in the coming years i will have to remind myself not to let go of them, because things are going to change.
"Yea, ye will lift him up...and because he speaketh flattering words unto you, and he saith that all is well, then ye will not find fault with him.
Yea, we see that...because he was a man of cunning device and a man of many flattering words, that he led away the hearts of many people...to destroy the foundation of liberty which God had granted unto them."
it is interesting to me the amounts of people, both known and unknown, people who are icons of our society, and people who live next door to us; who rely so much on the "change" that is to come. people who cling so much to this hope for a better tomorrow, people who believe that the change that is coming is a good one, one we need. it's true, there is a change coming, but it isn't necessarily going to be for the better, and for the most part it isn't the change that we imagine in our minds and wish for in our hearts. these are selfish motives of an evil man disguised by words like "hope", and "better", and "change", magical words that keep people from digging further and seeing what lies beneath. this is a book with a very appealing cover, a cover that promises all sorts of things for what lies within the pages of the book. it is such an enticing and amazing cover, in fact, that the majority of people haven't even opened the book yet, and so many of us don't know what is written on those pages inside. what amazes me is the amount of people who refuse to look, who refuse to see the writing written so boldly on the walls.
i know there are friends of mine out there who are voting differently than i in this election and i hope i haven't offended any of them. you are people who are important to me, and who are a valuable part of my life. please do not think that because i've said how i feel that anything between us has to change. there are lots of people in my mind and heart today. i am thinking of most everyone that i know. i won't take the time to list them personally, just know that if you are reading this, you are one of them. i wish the best for you and your families. you are all in my thoughts and prayers, and i care about you all.
please remember to vote. and once this is over, please remember to stay good, and stay happy. i also want to encourage everyone to take a moment at the end of today to write your thoughts about this election in your journal. i promise you that you will be greatful down the road when you have your thoughts to share with your children and grandchildren, and to remind yourself that you made it. this is history, guys, and we're a part of it. you are a part of it. don't forget that.
love,
gabrielle.
i have an odd feeling right now as i am getting ready to go vote, almost a feeling of despair. this is my first major election that i am able to vote in, and i am so excited. (there is a story that goes along with the 2004 election, which i waited in line for 2.5 hrs to be turned away, but that is a whole other blog entirely.) it's hard for me to put a label on what i am feeling right now... am i nervous? sad? scared? unaware? naiive? maybe i am everything. maybe i am nothing. i just know that i had a similar feeling a little over seven years ago, in september of 2001. yes, i am frightened, yes i am confused, yes i am worried. the future remains a mystery, as it always does, and the unknown is always what is most scary. it has always been a sort of "rule" for me to not discuss two things in my blogs: politics, and religion. i am breaking both of those rules today for the first, and hopefully last time.
i wonder who we are as a nation, as americans. i wonder what this election will say about us. it scares me to think that we aren't the "good guys" anymore. i want for us to succeed, for us to do good, for us to be right. i want my country to grow and prosper, and to become a place where i am not afraid to raise my children, a place where i am not afraid to raise myself. i want to be proud of where i live, proud of the people i live among. for the most part, these are silly dreams, wishes upon stars, childish hopes; but they are real, and in the coming years i will have to remind myself not to let go of them, because things are going to change.
"Yea, ye will lift him up...and because he speaketh flattering words unto you, and he saith that all is well, then ye will not find fault with him.
Yea, we see that...because he was a man of cunning device and a man of many flattering words, that he led away the hearts of many people...to destroy the foundation of liberty which God had granted unto them."
it is interesting to me the amounts of people, both known and unknown, people who are icons of our society, and people who live next door to us; who rely so much on the "change" that is to come. people who cling so much to this hope for a better tomorrow, people who believe that the change that is coming is a good one, one we need. it's true, there is a change coming, but it isn't necessarily going to be for the better, and for the most part it isn't the change that we imagine in our minds and wish for in our hearts. these are selfish motives of an evil man disguised by words like "hope", and "better", and "change", magical words that keep people from digging further and seeing what lies beneath. this is a book with a very appealing cover, a cover that promises all sorts of things for what lies within the pages of the book. it is such an enticing and amazing cover, in fact, that the majority of people haven't even opened the book yet, and so many of us don't know what is written on those pages inside. what amazes me is the amount of people who refuse to look, who refuse to see the writing written so boldly on the walls.
i know there are friends of mine out there who are voting differently than i in this election and i hope i haven't offended any of them. you are people who are important to me, and who are a valuable part of my life. please do not think that because i've said how i feel that anything between us has to change. there are lots of people in my mind and heart today. i am thinking of most everyone that i know. i won't take the time to list them personally, just know that if you are reading this, you are one of them. i wish the best for you and your families. you are all in my thoughts and prayers, and i care about you all.
please remember to vote. and once this is over, please remember to stay good, and stay happy. i also want to encourage everyone to take a moment at the end of today to write your thoughts about this election in your journal. i promise you that you will be greatful down the road when you have your thoughts to share with your children and grandchildren, and to remind yourself that you made it. this is history, guys, and we're a part of it. you are a part of it. don't forget that.
love,
gabrielle.
10.29.2008
three of life's great annoyances.
i know most of you are thinking that a great annoyance is the fact that this is my third post today, but i can't help it. i have one more thing to say. i made a favorites list, so i thought just to balance things out, i'd make a list of things that are so NOT my favorites. it's a short list, but an important one. here it goes...
1. halloween parties that are not on halloween... ESPECIALLY when halloween falls on a friday.
2. the fact that boys are so un-emotional. they are missing a very LARGE CHIP that tells you to like, be a human. i can't even tell you how annoyed i am by this text, from a male: "sorry". uh, that's it. no capitalization, no puncuation, no "i'm" in front of it, just one word, "sorry". ANNOYING. another one i hate to no end... "yup", again, no punctuation, capitalization, it's not even "yes" or "ya", it's just "yup". in the words of stephanie tanner, "HOW RUUUUUUUUDE!"
ok, seriously, honest to blog i forgot the third thing already. heaven help me. and it was way worse than the other two. what is happening to me? how does a person forget something so crucial?! hells bells. one thing i love more than anything right now, though, is the fact that i am FINE. did you know that? i am fine. there are so many people that have been in and out of my life in the past few years/months/weeks and some of them i thought were great losses and some of them i thought "BFD". but you know what? they all turned out to be BFDs. i was so scared to start sticking up for myself b/c i was afraid i was going to lose people who are important to me but it turns out i just got rid of the people who didn't deserve to be in my life in the first place. though the decisions have been hard, and it's true i have missed some of the people, i find myself having to deal with alot less crap than before, and quite frankly, i feel alot better about myself. i love how some people think that they can treat me a certain way and i'll just take the crap and apologize for doing nothing all because i supposedly "need" these people in my life. but i don't "need" anyone like that. sure, a diminishing friend list has its downfalls (i.e. no big halloween party to attend), but even if i had ABSOLUTELY NO FRIENDS AT ALL (which, i need to add is far from the case) i would still have my family. and there's no shame in that, in fact there is great joy in that for me. nothing makes me happier than my family. and guess what? forget the halloween parties that all those other squares are attending, because i'm having my own. and i am making homemade donuts and putting on a play (wicked) and playing games and watching scary movies, all while dressed up in my halloween costume. so there.
p.s. stefan comes home in FIVE WEEKS. sukkkkkas!!
1. halloween parties that are not on halloween... ESPECIALLY when halloween falls on a friday.
2. the fact that boys are so un-emotional. they are missing a very LARGE CHIP that tells you to like, be a human. i can't even tell you how annoyed i am by this text, from a male: "sorry". uh, that's it. no capitalization, no puncuation, no "i'm" in front of it, just one word, "sorry". ANNOYING. another one i hate to no end... "yup", again, no punctuation, capitalization, it's not even "yes" or "ya", it's just "yup". in the words of stephanie tanner, "HOW RUUUUUUUUDE!"
ok, seriously, honest to blog i forgot the third thing already. heaven help me. and it was way worse than the other two. what is happening to me? how does a person forget something so crucial?! hells bells. one thing i love more than anything right now, though, is the fact that i am FINE. did you know that? i am fine. there are so many people that have been in and out of my life in the past few years/months/weeks and some of them i thought were great losses and some of them i thought "BFD". but you know what? they all turned out to be BFDs. i was so scared to start sticking up for myself b/c i was afraid i was going to lose people who are important to me but it turns out i just got rid of the people who didn't deserve to be in my life in the first place. though the decisions have been hard, and it's true i have missed some of the people, i find myself having to deal with alot less crap than before, and quite frankly, i feel alot better about myself. i love how some people think that they can treat me a certain way and i'll just take the crap and apologize for doing nothing all because i supposedly "need" these people in my life. but i don't "need" anyone like that. sure, a diminishing friend list has its downfalls (i.e. no big halloween party to attend), but even if i had ABSOLUTELY NO FRIENDS AT ALL (which, i need to add is far from the case) i would still have my family. and there's no shame in that, in fact there is great joy in that for me. nothing makes me happier than my family. and guess what? forget the halloween parties that all those other squares are attending, because i'm having my own. and i am making homemade donuts and putting on a play (wicked) and playing games and watching scary movies, all while dressed up in my halloween costume. so there.
p.s. stefan comes home in FIVE WEEKS. sukkkkkas!!
10.23.2008
yesterday was a pretty good day. i got my halloween costume in the mail, and it is gorgeous. at first i was feeling total buyer's remorse for spending so much on a costume, what with the economy being horrible like it is right now, but when i put it on last night, i couldn't help but fall in love. believe me, i will be wearing the costume long after halloween is over. it is perfect.
i also found, after two weeks of searching, the W magazine with angelina jolie on the cover. i don't like W magazine normally, it's really not my cup of tea as far as magazines go, but she is stunning, and she is such an amazing woman, so obviously i had to see the pictures and have my very own copy of the mag. inside is a thirty-something page layout all of photos shot by brad pitt (maybe you've heard of him?) and a small article attached. she is so graceful and so kind and truly, when the woman speaks i am like "HOLY CROW" because she is just so articulate and amazing. i want to be like her when i grow up.... wake up, feed the kids, give to charity, put babies down for naps, adopt babies who need homes from thrid world coutries, make out with beautiful husband who likes my body better with stretch marks from giving birth, play with adorable kids at the chateau, build a school for children in africa, make out with gorgeous husband, make dinner, give kids baths, put kids to bed, watch a little project runway on tivo, make out with most beautiful man alive, fall asleep with most beautiful man alive, get woken up two hours later by beautiful babies. sounds perfect.
also lately i have been on this old movie kick and i have been watching all these old timer movies. i watch at least one a day (after my chores and excercise are complete, thankyouverymuch). my favorites so far have been chinatown, heaven can wait, and bonnie and clyde, but only because warren beatty was such a hunkasaurus. i just finished breakfast at tiffany's last night and i have to say, it was not what i expected AT ALL. it is quite possibly the most depressing movie i have ever seen. sheesh, talk about a downer. the next movies on my netflix queue are: valley of the dolls, splendor in the grass, and reds. it's ridiculous how excited i am to watch them this weekend. it's also ridiculous how excited i am for...
the midnight showing of hsm3 which i am going to tonight. you know, i feel a sudden urge to defend myself for being such a weiner and having no life, but i do have a life, and it's a pretty good one, so i'm not gonna apologize for that.
the midnight showing of hsm3 which i am going to tonight. you know, i feel a sudden urge to defend myself for being such a weiner and having no life, but i do have a life, and it's a pretty good one, so i'm not gonna apologize for that. 10.22.2008
10.10.2008
things i am excited for, part one.
ok, guys. this is not my original hope for my "excited" blog, but i am doing the best i can with my resources (i.e. i STILL don't have my own laptop, which means i am operating on my work computer OR my family's desktop which is run by demons) so just bare with me. i really had wanted to have picturesto go with this, but too bad so sad for me. that's just life. so here is my boring, low quality blog about what i am most excited for in the upcoming fall/winter season.
1. fall/winter '08 collections from the following: chanel, marc jacobs, chloe... really the list goes on. but fall fashion is my favorite of all the fashion seasons. i love fall makeup, the deep greens and plums and golds and then winter makeup with rosy red cheeks and black and silver eyes. deep reds, purples, greens and golds are my favorite as far as clothes go. it's always so fun to see the new bags that come out for the season (marc jacobs kills me every year). if i was a money saver, this is what i would save all my money for: FALL FASHIONS!
2. these sunglasses. they will be worn by me... soon.
4. lame teen movies... high school musical 3 and twilight. i know... suuuuuper lame. but i just can't abandon my 13 year old self, she's lonely enough already. i cannot forsake her.
5. my netflix queue. it is filled with old movies. every single movie is from the olden days of yore. there are a few 80's movies in there, but it's mostly 60's and 70's with scattered showers of the 50's. really, i am obsessed with the 60's right now... fashion, actors, movies, the whole burro. i have been watching old movies like bonnie and clyde, one flew over the cukoo's nest, shampoo, some like it hot... i am developing MAJOR crushes on these actors!! hello, warren beatty, paul newman, robert redford, jack nicholson... HOW were these men so good looking? and HOW did they all turn out to be so wrinkly? yipes!! (i know, gravity... blah blah) and the leading ladies of that era?! julie christie, goldie hawn, faye dunaway, even barabra streisand! so beautiful. i am going to start wearing fake eyelashes everyday so i can create that "mod" look. hardy har, we all know that won't happen in this lifetime.
6. STEFAN COMES HOME!! yes, it has been two years, and NO it has not been fast. i've missed him and it's been too long. he comes home december third and the following week we take our christmas disneyland trip, which really is number 7 of what i am excited for. they make it snow in the park! ive only seen snowfall like twice in my life. fake snow or not, snowflakes are snowflakes in my book.
8. fall movies. this is the time of year where oscar buzz is created and i'm already buzzing about movies I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN! i am specifically excited for these three movies in particular, so i've put the trailers up for you to watch. go ahead and watch them over and over. that's what i do.
revolutionary road.
directed by: sam mendes.
starring: leonardo di caprio, kate winslet.
composer: thomas newman.
*this trailer is the best trailer i have seen in a long time. the editor deserves an oscar for making this movie look so fantastical. good editing along with the song that is playing in the background PLUS the acting is amazing... job well done for everyone. gold stars and high fives all around.
1. fall/winter '08 collections from the following: chanel, marc jacobs, chloe... really the list goes on. but fall fashion is my favorite of all the fashion seasons. i love fall makeup, the deep greens and plums and golds and then winter makeup with rosy red cheeks and black and silver eyes. deep reds, purples, greens and golds are my favorite as far as clothes go. it's always so fun to see the new bags that come out for the season (marc jacobs kills me every year). if i was a money saver, this is what i would save all my money for: FALL FASHIONS!
2. these sunglasses. they will be worn by me... soon.
4. lame teen movies... high school musical 3 and twilight. i know... suuuuuper lame. but i just can't abandon my 13 year old self, she's lonely enough already. i cannot forsake her.
5. my netflix queue. it is filled with old movies. every single movie is from the olden days of yore. there are a few 80's movies in there, but it's mostly 60's and 70's with scattered showers of the 50's. really, i am obsessed with the 60's right now... fashion, actors, movies, the whole burro. i have been watching old movies like bonnie and clyde, one flew over the cukoo's nest, shampoo, some like it hot... i am developing MAJOR crushes on these actors!! hello, warren beatty, paul newman, robert redford, jack nicholson... HOW were these men so good looking? and HOW did they all turn out to be so wrinkly? yipes!! (i know, gravity... blah blah) and the leading ladies of that era?! julie christie, goldie hawn, faye dunaway, even barabra streisand! so beautiful. i am going to start wearing fake eyelashes everyday so i can create that "mod" look. hardy har, we all know that won't happen in this lifetime.
6. STEFAN COMES HOME!! yes, it has been two years, and NO it has not been fast. i've missed him and it's been too long. he comes home december third and the following week we take our christmas disneyland trip, which really is number 7 of what i am excited for. they make it snow in the park! ive only seen snowfall like twice in my life. fake snow or not, snowflakes are snowflakes in my book.
8. fall movies. this is the time of year where oscar buzz is created and i'm already buzzing about movies I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN! i am specifically excited for these three movies in particular, so i've put the trailers up for you to watch. go ahead and watch them over and over. that's what i do.
revolutionary road.
directed by: sam mendes.
starring: leonardo di caprio, kate winslet.
composer: thomas newman.
*this trailer is the best trailer i have seen in a long time. the editor deserves an oscar for making this movie look so fantastical. good editing along with the song that is playing in the background PLUS the acting is amazing... job well done for everyone. gold stars and high fives all around.
changeling.
directed by: clint eastwood.
starring: angelina jolie, john malkovich.
composer: clint eastwood.
the curious case of benjamin button.
directed by: david fincher.
starring: brad pitt, cate blanchett, tilda swinton, julia ormond.
composer: alexandre desplat.
10.09.2008
MY FAVORITE MOVIE OF ALL TIME.
the other day while browsing through barnes and noble (you know how dangerous that store is for me), i found a gem in the 50% off dvd bin. this movie was my favorite as a kid, it came out in 1993 amidst the turmoil of my third grade year. i have a few distinct memories that come from my old house on ingram street, but one of the more vivid ones includes me watching UNTAMED HEART in my front room with my grandparents and my mom and being SO EMBARASSED that i was crying that i got up, went to the bathroom, sat on the toilet (the lid was down, don't worry), and started bawling my head off. i cried so hard that i needed toilet paper (for my nose) and i just remember thinking OUTLOUD "WHY?!" it's probably been about ten years since i've seen this movie, i don't know how i ever went so long, heavens knows i'll never go that long again, but i watched it last night and i cried so terribly hard, just as hard as i did the first (second, third, fourth) time, the difference now is that i was in the privacy of my own room to bawl at will. i cried during the movie, even before the end because i knew what was coming. seeing the movie reminded me how much i used to be absolutely in LOVE with christian slater. i loved him SO MUCH, in fact that when my aunt marcia was pregnant and my uncle david asked me what names i like, i said "christian for a boy". that was also in 1993 (guess what? they named him christiaan, but i don't think it was for the same reason that i chose the name). i also can't believe how i remembered freaking every line in the movie. what's weird about that is i never actually OWNED the movie growing up, i just RENTED it so often that i knew all the lines (how's that for dedication? dedication or obsession, i'm not sure?) anyways, after watching it last night, i know for certain that it is my absolute favorite movie of all time. it's one of those movies that my aunt jennie would tell me that she won't watch just because it's so sad. but i don't care. sometimes i like to be sad and cry for reasons that have nothing to do with my life, so sue me.i had intended to write a blog about my favorite things, but i can't right now. i'm too tired and i want to nap. i owe my brother lunch for cleaning the cat boxes for me (hehe bribe central... peter piper rules all) so i have to get that done. perhaps later tonight i will blog about my current obsessions... the hills NOT included, y'all.
8.27.2008
waiters and spiders.
shananagins in my life often come in the form of waiters. just ask anyone who has ever gone out to dinner with me. it is usually the worst with kenny and i, we seem to always get the weirdest of the weird. but last night was one for the books. samantha and i went to the cheesecake factory, and the rest, well... here it is.
i don't remember the poor guy's name, but it started off badly when he had to write down our drink order. sam was like "he isn't going to last a second at this table, he just had to write down our drink order for two waters". then he starts to tell us about the soup of the day for tuesday which is cream of mushroom. but he is giving this speech (the "tuesday cream of mushroom" speech) and he starts mumbling about how tuesdays are his favorite day b/c it's mushroom soup day or something? all i could really decipher was the word "tuesday" which he said about nine times in 23 seconds. he just started rapid firing the word "tuesday". bewildered, i was. his next favorite word was "navigate" which i could tell he thought he was so clever for using. example: "you two ladies need help navigating the menu?" or "can i assist you in some navigation of the menu", etc. at this point, sam and i are aware that our dinner experience is just going to be straight up nonsense. let me also inform you that the table behind us is discussing politics, the classic obama v. mccain duel. they are of course sorely misinformed on every topic and loud as all get out. the table in front of us is discussing filet mignon and their friend amanda, who thought filet mignon was fish! you can imagine how silly amanda is in person, can't you? there have been three birthday songs, and you know how those get me going on the worst rampage. amidst the circus, our waiter walks by with a piece of cheesecake and stops by our table and holds it in front of our faces. he crosses his legs, leans on the pillar and says "white chocolate raspberry cheesecake... our number two most requested cheesecake. just wanted to let you ladies see what you're missing so you can save room for dessert" and walks away. i wanted to die, really. are you kidding me? i couldn't even look at samantha during this fiasco. don't taunt me with another man's dessert!! when we're done eating, he packs sam's cheese pizza into a nice to-go box and then he comes back with it, and does the crossy-legs, lean-on-the pillar business and has the bag in one hand and he tries to pull out the menu and flip to the dessert page with his other hand, just one hand. so he is like, leaning and using his left hand to open this menu/book ordeal and his hand is totally twisted into this claw affair and i'm just thinking "just set down the bag!" then he gives us this speech "you know, here at cheesecake factory, we're famous, and rightly so, for one thing... and that's cheesecake" i cut him off here bc i really couldnt handle anymore at that point so i just tell him our order. we did not, much to his dismay, go with the second most requested cheesecake, we decide on the brownie sundae. i tell the wiater this and he's like "the brownie sundae cheesecake?" and i'm like "no, just the godiva brownie sundae" and he's like "the godiva brownie sundae cheesecake?" and i'm like "no, 'tis not a cheeesecake, my firend, just the regular dessert" (which he could not fathom by the way). so he brings us our dessert and sets it between the two of us and spins it all the way around- a complete 180 (or 360, i'm not really sure) just so we can get a good look at the brilliant craftsmanship of the sundae. then he proceeds to watch us take the first bite, like his face is like level with our table. i'm like "you're dismissed, thank you." then he does one of those "how is everything looking, you guys sure know how to pack away the desserts... har har har, sigh" i don't know who told waiters that it is flattering to girls to tell them how impressed they are with how much we can eat, but they were sorely misinformed. don't get me wrong, i like to impress the males, but not with my dessert eating skills.
i don't know if any of this comes across as funny or ridiculous as it was in person, but it was a straight up, classic waiter fiasco. oh, i also hope i didn't come across as rude or beastly, as i am neither. you just have to understand the situation and know that there was no way we could have taken him seriously.
the best part of the night was perhaps when samantha was attacked by a spider. it all started when we were outside her house and walking to my car and there was this huge spidey on her light pole and she was like "please come and observe the hugest spider you've ever seen" and i was like "you better kill that b/c once it is done with that pole, it is headed straight for your room and it's gonna lay eggs on your face". seriously it was a pregnant spider b/c she had like this huge bulb on her butt and i'm telling sam, that is where she holds the babies. sam decides to spare spidey's life but when i unlock my car door and my lights come on, they highlight this string of silver right in front of sams face and i am like... what the? so i'm about to tell her to step back just as she feels something on her and starts rubbing her face frantically and i am like "you just stepped into a string of spider web" and i am pretty sure that mistress spidey heard us plotting her demise, and being insanely unbalanced like she is, she shot a web out at us. i mean, clearly she knew what she was doing. i have to say, i would have done the same thing had i heard two girls plotting not only my death, but also the death of my loved ones (i.e. the baby eggs on her bulb). when i talked to sam today she said that she checked her entire body last night for spiders. is that like, instant karma for laughing at our waiter? i hope not. i don't really feel like spending my wednesday looking around for spiders droppin' eggs on me. that would really put a hitch in my giddyup.
i don't remember the poor guy's name, but it started off badly when he had to write down our drink order. sam was like "he isn't going to last a second at this table, he just had to write down our drink order for two waters". then he starts to tell us about the soup of the day for tuesday which is cream of mushroom. but he is giving this speech (the "tuesday cream of mushroom" speech) and he starts mumbling about how tuesdays are his favorite day b/c it's mushroom soup day or something? all i could really decipher was the word "tuesday" which he said about nine times in 23 seconds. he just started rapid firing the word "tuesday". bewildered, i was. his next favorite word was "navigate" which i could tell he thought he was so clever for using. example: "you two ladies need help navigating the menu?" or "can i assist you in some navigation of the menu", etc. at this point, sam and i are aware that our dinner experience is just going to be straight up nonsense. let me also inform you that the table behind us is discussing politics, the classic obama v. mccain duel. they are of course sorely misinformed on every topic and loud as all get out. the table in front of us is discussing filet mignon and their friend amanda, who thought filet mignon was fish! you can imagine how silly amanda is in person, can't you? there have been three birthday songs, and you know how those get me going on the worst rampage. amidst the circus, our waiter walks by with a piece of cheesecake and stops by our table and holds it in front of our faces. he crosses his legs, leans on the pillar and says "white chocolate raspberry cheesecake... our number two most requested cheesecake. just wanted to let you ladies see what you're missing so you can save room for dessert" and walks away. i wanted to die, really. are you kidding me? i couldn't even look at samantha during this fiasco. don't taunt me with another man's dessert!! when we're done eating, he packs sam's cheese pizza into a nice to-go box and then he comes back with it, and does the crossy-legs, lean-on-the pillar business and has the bag in one hand and he tries to pull out the menu and flip to the dessert page with his other hand, just one hand. so he is like, leaning and using his left hand to open this menu/book ordeal and his hand is totally twisted into this claw affair and i'm just thinking "just set down the bag!" then he gives us this speech "you know, here at cheesecake factory, we're famous, and rightly so, for one thing... and that's cheesecake" i cut him off here bc i really couldnt handle anymore at that point so i just tell him our order. we did not, much to his dismay, go with the second most requested cheesecake, we decide on the brownie sundae. i tell the wiater this and he's like "the brownie sundae cheesecake?" and i'm like "no, just the godiva brownie sundae" and he's like "the godiva brownie sundae cheesecake?" and i'm like "no, 'tis not a cheeesecake, my firend, just the regular dessert" (which he could not fathom by the way). so he brings us our dessert and sets it between the two of us and spins it all the way around- a complete 180 (or 360, i'm not really sure) just so we can get a good look at the brilliant craftsmanship of the sundae. then he proceeds to watch us take the first bite, like his face is like level with our table. i'm like "you're dismissed, thank you." then he does one of those "how is everything looking, you guys sure know how to pack away the desserts... har har har, sigh" i don't know who told waiters that it is flattering to girls to tell them how impressed they are with how much we can eat, but they were sorely misinformed. don't get me wrong, i like to impress the males, but not with my dessert eating skills.
i don't know if any of this comes across as funny or ridiculous as it was in person, but it was a straight up, classic waiter fiasco. oh, i also hope i didn't come across as rude or beastly, as i am neither. you just have to understand the situation and know that there was no way we could have taken him seriously.
the best part of the night was perhaps when samantha was attacked by a spider. it all started when we were outside her house and walking to my car and there was this huge spidey on her light pole and she was like "please come and observe the hugest spider you've ever seen" and i was like "you better kill that b/c once it is done with that pole, it is headed straight for your room and it's gonna lay eggs on your face". seriously it was a pregnant spider b/c she had like this huge bulb on her butt and i'm telling sam, that is where she holds the babies. sam decides to spare spidey's life but when i unlock my car door and my lights come on, they highlight this string of silver right in front of sams face and i am like... what the? so i'm about to tell her to step back just as she feels something on her and starts rubbing her face frantically and i am like "you just stepped into a string of spider web" and i am pretty sure that mistress spidey heard us plotting her demise, and being insanely unbalanced like she is, she shot a web out at us. i mean, clearly she knew what she was doing. i have to say, i would have done the same thing had i heard two girls plotting not only my death, but also the death of my loved ones (i.e. the baby eggs on her bulb). when i talked to sam today she said that she checked her entire body last night for spiders. is that like, instant karma for laughing at our waiter? i hope not. i don't really feel like spending my wednesday looking around for spiders droppin' eggs on me. that would really put a hitch in my giddyup.
5.07.2008
american idol
alright, alright. so check it out, yo. this is my venting blog about the sham that is american idol. i am going to write one blog about it and that is it... nothing else for the rest of the season. so we can all agree that since we had our, oh, top ten finalists we've known that the competition is going to come down to david vs. david. i don't think anyone would argue that. so i'm not going to sit here and talk about who i think will win, except to say that judging on pure vocals alone, david a. has the edge. i also dont think that david c. needs the idol contract, i actually think he would benefit more from being on his own so that he can write and perform what he wants, as opposed to what the idol producers want. that being said... we all know that brooke white left prematurely last week, and let's be honest... she didn't deserve to go home. i'm sorry, but she didn't. while not the strongest vocally, she is one of the more talented and likeable contestants that the show has ever seen. i, along with others, have enjoyed her arrangements on songs such as "love is a battlefield", "every breath you take", and "let it be", and who could forget the way she sang "you're so vain" to simon cowell? last weeks show spelled trouble for more that just white, as both syesha and jason castro struggled through their niel diamond tunes. syesha has the same problem every week in my opinion, she has a vocal standard and she can't, or won't rise above it. last week marked her seventh appearance in the bottom three, and it's really no surprise. what performances can we remember of syesha's? um.... um.... uh.... "i will always love you"? where she imitated (yet again) whitney? yeah, that's just not memorable for me. i will say that she belongs on broadway, with her vocals and acting skills and her ability to perform live, i just don't think that she is pop star material (paging fantasia barrino... anyone know how her pop career is going? exactly). anyways, back to last week's show... i will admit it: i cheat. every week i look at an idol insider web page that is run by a person who helps count the votes every week. i know, i know. i just can't stand to watch seacrest fumble through an hour show with his stupid jokes and stupid orange face. it drives me crazy. so i've been going on this webpage every week for the past six or seven weeks and this person has always been right. every week. he doesn't say who gets voted off, or give any details about the show, he just says "so-and-so got the lowest number of texts/calls, so-and-so got the highest". so last week his website said "syesha mercado received the lowest number of texts/votes, david cook received the highest." so i wasn't worried about brooke. i hadn't originally been worried anyways since the night before when i had voted for her (for two hours... i am true blue) i got a busy signal for 20 minutes, but seeing what my "insider" reported i for sure had no reason to worry. if you all remember last weeks show, brooke went home, not syesha, thus confirming my original theories about clay and ruben. (side note: i know it seems like i have no life, but i really do.) i don't really know what to make of that... do you?
that brings me to this weeks show, which i originally wasn't even going to watch in protest, but i ended up watching for one reason or another. i have to say, i don't even know the right word to describe the show last night. unbelievable? disgusting? ridiculous? out of control? probably all of the above. most articles i have read about last nights performances are, of course, slamming jason castro for his supposed "worst pair of performances, at this stage of the competition, in the show’s seven-year history" (as quoted by msnbc) more unbelievable to me, however, was the, uh, performance given by syesha and i'm not talking about the vocal performance. i am talking about the little card she has kept up her sleeve throughout this whole competition. when kristy lee cook was on the show, she played the american card, singing all-american songs and appealing to the all-american viewer. after all, who is going to vote off a girl who just sang about how she is so proud to be an american? david a. played the same card last week when he belted out "america" and simon wasn't kidding when he said there wasn't a smarter song choice at this stage in the competition (although heaven knows david a. doesn't need the help) so, last night syesha pulled out a little trick of her own, choosing to sing "orud mary" followed by sam cooke's "a change is gonna come", a song written about the civil rights movement. (at this point i don't think i have to say which card it is that she is playing) the craziness continues when randy doesn't really feel the vocals on the second song, saying he didn't really "dig" the performance. this is what starts syesha's emotional rollercoaster and potential acting career. don't worry because randy's "harsh" comments were followed by a standing O from paula applauding her for making such a brave choice of song and coming such a long way, etc etc, blah, blah, whatever it is paula says everytime. but syesha keeps on keepin' on with the tears. (i thought brooke white left?) when asked why she is so emotional she just can't understand why randy didn't like a song that means so much to her about her history and who she is and really, who randy is as well, right? cue the tissue, which the orange emcee asks a producer for as syesha makes a brave exit off the stage (i half expected her to shout the words "this moment is so much bigger than me!" as halle berry did when she won the oscar). now, don't get me wrong, i have liked syesha from the start. i think she is talented and i think she is sweet and nice and pretty, just like paula. but this is just turning the competition into a joke when you start rallying for the sympathy vote. it's cheap, it's silly. it probably isn't even necessary except how else is she going to beat the davids? now that i am done venting about syesha, i will turn my attention over to jason castro. poor, poor, jason. the kid just wants to go home already. this kid has been one of my favorites from the start, taking old songs and making them sound amazing with the arrangements he chose on songs like "i don't wanna cry" and "somewhere over the rainbow", and i didn't eve hate it when he (almost) butchered "memory" two weeks ago. the kid is ready to go home. and how else do you do such a thing on this show? it didn't work when he sang "memory" and it didn't work last week when he butchered his two niel diamond songs, performances which, he says, he "didn't even prepare for". i think we all saw it last week in his neil diamond interview tape when he hadn't even taken the time to learn the words of his songs by the time he had to perform them fo neil himself. this just isn't the jason who was with us in the beginning. first of all, i don't think he ever expected to get this far (he underestimates the teen vote and his sparkling baby blues), and second, i don't think he was prepared for the competition to be so intense (what with practices, song choice, mentors, fellow contestants, etc.). as far as his performances last night go, yes i agree, the bob marley song was not so great. probably no one except bob marley should sing them. but what else do you do when trying to get voted off? he wants to sing bob marley, he's gonna sing bob marley, woo hoo! what does he care? (side note: what does paula say? "you look great up there, i love you, blah blah i'm paula where's my drink?" as per usual) the second song, however, i really liked. not a fan of bob dylan myself i think he did good job of singing that song. of course by this point the judges can tell he wants out (maybe it was the fact that he mouthed "DON'T VOTE!" after his numbers were given out the first time?) and so no one really has anything nice to say about his second performance either, except "i'd pack your bags", which is exactly what he wanted to hear two weeks ago. so, yes... at this point the american idol competition as a whole has become somewhat ridiculous. unlike the masses, i think that syesha made more of a mockery of the show last night with what she chose to do than jason did. but she did get a standing O from paula which, let's face it, is kind of like getting a standing O from a lunch lady (no offense to the ladies of lunch out there). it's kind of like (as joey tribiani says) a moo point, a cow's point of view. it doesn't really matter... it's moo. because who cares what a cow thinks? no one.
signed,
gabby the cow.
that brings me to this weeks show, which i originally wasn't even going to watch in protest, but i ended up watching for one reason or another. i have to say, i don't even know the right word to describe the show last night. unbelievable? disgusting? ridiculous? out of control? probably all of the above. most articles i have read about last nights performances are, of course, slamming jason castro for his supposed "worst pair of performances, at this stage of the competition, in the show’s seven-year history" (as quoted by msnbc) more unbelievable to me, however, was the, uh, performance given by syesha and i'm not talking about the vocal performance. i am talking about the little card she has kept up her sleeve throughout this whole competition. when kristy lee cook was on the show, she played the american card, singing all-american songs and appealing to the all-american viewer. after all, who is going to vote off a girl who just sang about how she is so proud to be an american? david a. played the same card last week when he belted out "america" and simon wasn't kidding when he said there wasn't a smarter song choice at this stage in the competition (although heaven knows david a. doesn't need the help) so, last night syesha pulled out a little trick of her own, choosing to sing "orud mary" followed by sam cooke's "a change is gonna come", a song written about the civil rights movement. (at this point i don't think i have to say which card it is that she is playing) the craziness continues when randy doesn't really feel the vocals on the second song, saying he didn't really "dig" the performance. this is what starts syesha's emotional rollercoaster and potential acting career. don't worry because randy's "harsh" comments were followed by a standing O from paula applauding her for making such a brave choice of song and coming such a long way, etc etc, blah, blah, whatever it is paula says everytime. but syesha keeps on keepin' on with the tears. (i thought brooke white left?) when asked why she is so emotional she just can't understand why randy didn't like a song that means so much to her about her history and who she is and really, who randy is as well, right? cue the tissue, which the orange emcee asks a producer for as syesha makes a brave exit off the stage (i half expected her to shout the words "this moment is so much bigger than me!" as halle berry did when she won the oscar). now, don't get me wrong, i have liked syesha from the start. i think she is talented and i think she is sweet and nice and pretty, just like paula. but this is just turning the competition into a joke when you start rallying for the sympathy vote. it's cheap, it's silly. it probably isn't even necessary except how else is she going to beat the davids? now that i am done venting about syesha, i will turn my attention over to jason castro. poor, poor, jason. the kid just wants to go home already. this kid has been one of my favorites from the start, taking old songs and making them sound amazing with the arrangements he chose on songs like "i don't wanna cry" and "somewhere over the rainbow", and i didn't eve hate it when he (almost) butchered "memory" two weeks ago. the kid is ready to go home. and how else do you do such a thing on this show? it didn't work when he sang "memory" and it didn't work last week when he butchered his two niel diamond songs, performances which, he says, he "didn't even prepare for". i think we all saw it last week in his neil diamond interview tape when he hadn't even taken the time to learn the words of his songs by the time he had to perform them fo neil himself. this just isn't the jason who was with us in the beginning. first of all, i don't think he ever expected to get this far (he underestimates the teen vote and his sparkling baby blues), and second, i don't think he was prepared for the competition to be so intense (what with practices, song choice, mentors, fellow contestants, etc.). as far as his performances last night go, yes i agree, the bob marley song was not so great. probably no one except bob marley should sing them. but what else do you do when trying to get voted off? he wants to sing bob marley, he's gonna sing bob marley, woo hoo! what does he care? (side note: what does paula say? "you look great up there, i love you, blah blah i'm paula where's my drink?" as per usual) the second song, however, i really liked. not a fan of bob dylan myself i think he did good job of singing that song. of course by this point the judges can tell he wants out (maybe it was the fact that he mouthed "DON'T VOTE!" after his numbers were given out the first time?) and so no one really has anything nice to say about his second performance either, except "i'd pack your bags", which is exactly what he wanted to hear two weeks ago. so, yes... at this point the american idol competition as a whole has become somewhat ridiculous. unlike the masses, i think that syesha made more of a mockery of the show last night with what she chose to do than jason did. but she did get a standing O from paula which, let's face it, is kind of like getting a standing O from a lunch lady (no offense to the ladies of lunch out there). it's kind of like (as joey tribiani says) a moo point, a cow's point of view. it doesn't really matter... it's moo. because who cares what a cow thinks? no one.
signed,
gabby the cow.
2.26.2008
my life... now
quick update b/c i am about to fall over DEAD!
1. i got a record player and it is the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. ive been spending my free time listening to killer records like the beatles, elton john, fleetwood mac, madonna, billy joel, and even some new stuff like eisley, iron & wine, the faint, and bright eyes. if anyone has records they don't use anymore, send them my way please!!
2. i am addicted to american idol and project runway and the gauntlet 3. reality tv has sucked me in. cry for me.
3. the writer's strike is over. most shows should return in april... just in time for my bday. yay!
4. i can almost start tanning again!! one more month on this blasted medicine and then it's back to the booths for some skin cancer 101 and i couldn't be happier.
5. my fringe is annoying me at the moment.
6. i still have to wash my face and it is midnight. i have to get up in 5 hrs.
7. the oscar's were a bit on the lame side this year with the exception of the following: marion cotillard winning, tilda swinton winning, the kids from ONCE performing/ WINNING, heidi klum's dress, cate blanchett losing, and gary busey's tantrum on the red carpet. other than that... SNOOOOOOZE!
8. i am almost done seeing all of the movies to complete my 2007 list. just a few more left. oh man, i can't wait to write that blog.
9. i'm starting singing lessons. stop laughing.
10. i made carmelitas tonight.
11. this list is boring. i don't even know why i started it.
12. my new motto in life is "make the decision". it is part of one of my favourite quotes of all time. i made a mural on my wall with pictures of all the things i want to accomplish in this life and i added that quote to it just the other day. i have decided to stop waiting for things to happen to me, and instead to make them happen. i've decided to quit depending on people. i decided that i never again want to be in a relationship, friend or otherwise, where i am desperate for the other person. instead of talking about what i want to do, i am going to start doing it. i am faced with hundreds of decisions daily, and i am going to make them myself, i am going to own them. i understand that i can't always decide what happens to me in my life, but i can always decide how i react to what happens to me. people can only affect me as much as i allow them to. so i am going to make the decision to be better. take the challenge with me and MAKE THE DECISIONS in your life that need to be made. if you want to do something, do it. the only thing stopping you is yourself.
what a weird note to end on. you'll have to forgive me, today i took a nap and i had the most intense dream that i was getting a tooth pulled from steve nash and he gave me laughing gas in the dream and i haven't been "all there" since. sorry.
weirdly and confusidly (?) yours,
gabriella.
1. i got a record player and it is the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. ive been spending my free time listening to killer records like the beatles, elton john, fleetwood mac, madonna, billy joel, and even some new stuff like eisley, iron & wine, the faint, and bright eyes. if anyone has records they don't use anymore, send them my way please!!
2. i am addicted to american idol and project runway and the gauntlet 3. reality tv has sucked me in. cry for me.
3. the writer's strike is over. most shows should return in april... just in time for my bday. yay!
4. i can almost start tanning again!! one more month on this blasted medicine and then it's back to the booths for some skin cancer 101 and i couldn't be happier.
5. my fringe is annoying me at the moment.
6. i still have to wash my face and it is midnight. i have to get up in 5 hrs.
7. the oscar's were a bit on the lame side this year with the exception of the following: marion cotillard winning, tilda swinton winning, the kids from ONCE performing/ WINNING, heidi klum's dress, cate blanchett losing, and gary busey's tantrum on the red carpet. other than that... SNOOOOOOZE!
8. i am almost done seeing all of the movies to complete my 2007 list. just a few more left. oh man, i can't wait to write that blog.
9. i'm starting singing lessons. stop laughing.
10. i made carmelitas tonight.
11. this list is boring. i don't even know why i started it.
12. my new motto in life is "make the decision". it is part of one of my favourite quotes of all time. i made a mural on my wall with pictures of all the things i want to accomplish in this life and i added that quote to it just the other day. i have decided to stop waiting for things to happen to me, and instead to make them happen. i've decided to quit depending on people. i decided that i never again want to be in a relationship, friend or otherwise, where i am desperate for the other person. instead of talking about what i want to do, i am going to start doing it. i am faced with hundreds of decisions daily, and i am going to make them myself, i am going to own them. i understand that i can't always decide what happens to me in my life, but i can always decide how i react to what happens to me. people can only affect me as much as i allow them to. so i am going to make the decision to be better. take the challenge with me and MAKE THE DECISIONS in your life that need to be made. if you want to do something, do it. the only thing stopping you is yourself.
what a weird note to end on. you'll have to forgive me, today i took a nap and i had the most intense dream that i was getting a tooth pulled from steve nash and he gave me laughing gas in the dream and i haven't been "all there" since. sorry.
weirdly and confusidly (?) yours,
gabriella.
2.11.2008
sad, but true.
so, i have been avoiding the internet all together lately. this includes, but is not limited to: myspace, facebook, instant messenger, perezhilton.com (no!) and yes, my blogspot. i have pretty much just been reading, writing, and watching arrested development on dvd. i'm not sure what triggered this, i don't even think it was one specific event. i've just been dealing with alot of different stuff lately and i decided that the last thing i needed was "internet drama". i don't get too much drama on my blog, mostly because my readers are my family and they love and support me (as i do them), but if i don't get on the internet at all i am less tempted to check my other sites. i'm going to be making some pretty big decisions here in the next little while, and hopefull some life-changing events will be taking place because of those decisions. i am really working on my health; i am going through a series of tests so "they" can find out what exactly is wrong with me, so i can be officially diagnosed which hopefully means that i can learn how to take care of myself and manage my health properly. i am working on removing the negative from my life, people or otherwise. i am learning to grieve, if there even is a correct way to do such a thing. i do kind of feel like i'm on overload since i have already had to say goodbye to three people this year, each of them difficult in their own way. anyways, no more nonsense. the point is i may not be writing in this as much for the next little while whilst i "deal with stuff" or "figure stuff out"... you know, any of those nutty cliches, or what have you. so, i will talk to you all soon. there is an amazing blog filled with lots of golden gems coming your way soon. i hope your families are doing well and i look forward to seeing you all as soon as i can.
thank you all for your support! i love you.
love,
gabrielle.
p.s. in lieu of flowers, please send me random text messages of luuuurve. :)
thank you all for your support! i love you.
love,
gabrielle.
p.s. in lieu of flowers, please send me random text messages of luuuurve. :)
1.23.2008
what's living if you never pull your shorts down and slide on the ice?!
this is the kind of day it's been for me:
today i walk outside in the freezing cold weather (ok, 39 degrees is freezing to me) at 6:30 and i get in my freezing cold car which, thanks to my dad's new mustang (don't get me started), now is parked in the driveway instead of the garage. i drive to work waiting for the heat to get going, which it does about 48 seconds from my work, and i am getting out of my car to run into the office and i grab my carnation instant breakfast (the best invention since the wheel, i tell you) and as i'm getting out of the car i spill it on my BRAND NEW work pants. oh, did i mention that it is freezing frickin' cold? ok, just making sure. so i go inside and call my mom and ask her to bring me a skirt. when she does, i change and i realize that i am wearing my tennis shoes and striped socks that go up to my calf. so, i pretty much just stayed seated behind my desk of solitude until lunch when i went home and changed into more appropriate footwear.
then, i start reading harry potter and the chamber of secrets and i flip through the pages and i come across a rubber lizard. and for some reason, with the kind of day it's been, that rubber lizard just made sense. it was just so normal that i would find a lizard in my book.
another monstrosity: the price of evian went up ten cents. oh and also, i didn't get to go to the aly and a.j. concert on account of i didn't have anyone to go with. woe is me.
latesky.
today i walk outside in the freezing cold weather (ok, 39 degrees is freezing to me) at 6:30 and i get in my freezing cold car which, thanks to my dad's new mustang (don't get me started), now is parked in the driveway instead of the garage. i drive to work waiting for the heat to get going, which it does about 48 seconds from my work, and i am getting out of my car to run into the office and i grab my carnation instant breakfast (the best invention since the wheel, i tell you) and as i'm getting out of the car i spill it on my BRAND NEW work pants. oh, did i mention that it is freezing frickin' cold? ok, just making sure. so i go inside and call my mom and ask her to bring me a skirt. when she does, i change and i realize that i am wearing my tennis shoes and striped socks that go up to my calf. so, i pretty much just stayed seated behind my desk of solitude until lunch when i went home and changed into more appropriate footwear.
then, i start reading harry potter and the chamber of secrets and i flip through the pages and i come across a rubber lizard. and for some reason, with the kind of day it's been, that rubber lizard just made sense. it was just so normal that i would find a lizard in my book.
another monstrosity: the price of evian went up ten cents. oh and also, i didn't get to go to the aly and a.j. concert on account of i didn't have anyone to go with. woe is me.
latesky.
1.08.2008
if not now, when?
dear lovely,
so i have a little time before my movie night starts, i thought i'd take this time to update everyone on my life. because obviously everyone is wondering where i am and what i'm doing. there are alot of changes coming up in my life. it's weird because i always hear people say: "new year, new you!" and i'm always thinking: "whatever" because i've never been a big fan of change. But recently i've had to accept that change is a really large part of my life- of everyone's lives- and so i've got to just accept it, get over it, move on. it's like that old timey cliche that is stiched on pillows in old lady's houses: "the only thing that is constant is change"... or "time may change me, but i can't change time"... i think it was david bowie who first stiched that somewhere. the point is, there are so many sayings about time and how we can't control it, or how we can't control what happens to us, only how we react to what happens. that's so true, and i hate admiting it... i hate it when those old lady pillows are right. i'm just trying really hard not to be a product of things that have happened to me, or things that are happening to me right now. after all is said and done, at the end of the day, i still want to be gabby... i don't want to turn into one of those bitter spinsters or anything. i was laying in my bed last night, crying, naturally (because lately, when am i not?) and i just thought to myself: "this is it. this is what is happening in your life, gabby." and then i made a (mental) list of things that are going to happen to me in the future, maybe even the near future and i allowed myself time to think about them, to really think about them. i thought of the things that are worrying me or making me upset right now, and i allowed myself to hate them, to talk about them. i thought of things that have been said to me, things that anger me, and i allowed myself to argue those things, to defend myself, to yell. i thought of the things that make me saddest in my life, and i allowed myself grieve, allowed myself cry, allowed myself to hurt, to ache. i gave myself time to say what i wanted- what i felt i needed- to say. i replayed scenarios over in my head, conversations that have already occured, and i just said what i wanted to say, what i wish i had said in the first place. i can't go back in time and change any of my recent actions or the actions of others, it just is not possible. no amount of crying or hurting or yelling is going to make it possible, and i have to accept that. for a moment last night, i pretended that i could alter time a little. i imagined that i had the people i wanted to talk to there to listen to me, and i imagined that they wanted to hear what i had to say, imagined that what i said made a difference. then, with no one in my room but myself, i spoke. i explained, i apologized, i vented, i got angry. i didn't try defend myself to anyone specific, or to anyone personally in "real life", because i don't feel like any one person deserves an explanation on why i am the way that i am, why i do what i do, why i say what i say, or why i write what i write. i don't feel the need to personally explain my actions to certain people. i feel like the people who know me are the people who really love me; the people who know that i am not perfect, the people who know that i mess up, that i am going to make mistakes, and that sometimes my foot resides in my mouth. the people who show me the same courtesy that i show them when they mess up, say something hurtful, or something they don't mean. my point is, i did it. i said what i wanted to say and i got over it. i allowed myself those moments to grieve, to be upset, to hurt. i thought about friends i've lost, opportunities i've lost, mistakes i've made, words i've said that i don't mean. i got mad at myself and i hated myself, i lashed out, i cried, and after what seemed like forever, i stopped. it was over, i was done, and i forgave myself. i made myself a promise that i wouldn't hate myself anymore over past events, over things i cannot change. when i stopped crying, i knew. i know now that this is it, that no more tears are allowed because no amount of tears are going to change what's done. it is done, it is over. no more hating myself, no more wishes for silly things, no more unrealistic dreams, no more pretend. it's time for me to think about changing my life for real. to make a difference and change MY time before it changes me. that's not to say that i am not still sad at times, but i am not going to allow myself time to cry anymore. i've cried all that i will let myself cry. the only thing that looking back and dwelling on what's happened is going to do is stop me from going forward and making changes. i can't move forward if i am looking back all the time. yes, i am still going to have moments where i think about past relationships, but instead of mourning what is gone i am going to remember what has been, and remember what an amazing life i've had, filled with amazing people. wonderful winters, and spactacular summers. fun vacations, incredible life-changing experiences. lots of love, and lots of laughter. inside jokes that never get old, and memories that never fade, pictures that never leave my wall, phone numbers that never get erased. most of all, the people who never get removed from my memory.
thank you for listening to my mess. sometimes it is hard for me to put theses feelings out on paper, and it's even more difficult to express them correctly on the computer screen. i am sorry if at times i can be difficult to love. i love and appreciate all of you, especially the ones who stay with me through the difficult times. i love the ones who leave for a bit but come back to me when my mind clears. i love even those of you who aren't reading this, who will never read this, but are in my heart still.
forever,
gabrielle.
so i have a little time before my movie night starts, i thought i'd take this time to update everyone on my life. because obviously everyone is wondering where i am and what i'm doing. there are alot of changes coming up in my life. it's weird because i always hear people say: "new year, new you!" and i'm always thinking: "whatever" because i've never been a big fan of change. But recently i've had to accept that change is a really large part of my life- of everyone's lives- and so i've got to just accept it, get over it, move on. it's like that old timey cliche that is stiched on pillows in old lady's houses: "the only thing that is constant is change"... or "time may change me, but i can't change time"... i think it was david bowie who first stiched that somewhere. the point is, there are so many sayings about time and how we can't control it, or how we can't control what happens to us, only how we react to what happens. that's so true, and i hate admiting it... i hate it when those old lady pillows are right. i'm just trying really hard not to be a product of things that have happened to me, or things that are happening to me right now. after all is said and done, at the end of the day, i still want to be gabby... i don't want to turn into one of those bitter spinsters or anything. i was laying in my bed last night, crying, naturally (because lately, when am i not?) and i just thought to myself: "this is it. this is what is happening in your life, gabby." and then i made a (mental) list of things that are going to happen to me in the future, maybe even the near future and i allowed myself time to think about them, to really think about them. i thought of the things that are worrying me or making me upset right now, and i allowed myself to hate them, to talk about them. i thought of things that have been said to me, things that anger me, and i allowed myself to argue those things, to defend myself, to yell. i thought of the things that make me saddest in my life, and i allowed myself grieve, allowed myself cry, allowed myself to hurt, to ache. i gave myself time to say what i wanted- what i felt i needed- to say. i replayed scenarios over in my head, conversations that have already occured, and i just said what i wanted to say, what i wish i had said in the first place. i can't go back in time and change any of my recent actions or the actions of others, it just is not possible. no amount of crying or hurting or yelling is going to make it possible, and i have to accept that. for a moment last night, i pretended that i could alter time a little. i imagined that i had the people i wanted to talk to there to listen to me, and i imagined that they wanted to hear what i had to say, imagined that what i said made a difference. then, with no one in my room but myself, i spoke. i explained, i apologized, i vented, i got angry. i didn't try defend myself to anyone specific, or to anyone personally in "real life", because i don't feel like any one person deserves an explanation on why i am the way that i am, why i do what i do, why i say what i say, or why i write what i write. i don't feel the need to personally explain my actions to certain people. i feel like the people who know me are the people who really love me; the people who know that i am not perfect, the people who know that i mess up, that i am going to make mistakes, and that sometimes my foot resides in my mouth. the people who show me the same courtesy that i show them when they mess up, say something hurtful, or something they don't mean. my point is, i did it. i said what i wanted to say and i got over it. i allowed myself those moments to grieve, to be upset, to hurt. i thought about friends i've lost, opportunities i've lost, mistakes i've made, words i've said that i don't mean. i got mad at myself and i hated myself, i lashed out, i cried, and after what seemed like forever, i stopped. it was over, i was done, and i forgave myself. i made myself a promise that i wouldn't hate myself anymore over past events, over things i cannot change. when i stopped crying, i knew. i know now that this is it, that no more tears are allowed because no amount of tears are going to change what's done. it is done, it is over. no more hating myself, no more wishes for silly things, no more unrealistic dreams, no more pretend. it's time for me to think about changing my life for real. to make a difference and change MY time before it changes me. that's not to say that i am not still sad at times, but i am not going to allow myself time to cry anymore. i've cried all that i will let myself cry. the only thing that looking back and dwelling on what's happened is going to do is stop me from going forward and making changes. i can't move forward if i am looking back all the time. yes, i am still going to have moments where i think about past relationships, but instead of mourning what is gone i am going to remember what has been, and remember what an amazing life i've had, filled with amazing people. wonderful winters, and spactacular summers. fun vacations, incredible life-changing experiences. lots of love, and lots of laughter. inside jokes that never get old, and memories that never fade, pictures that never leave my wall, phone numbers that never get erased. most of all, the people who never get removed from my memory.
thank you for listening to my mess. sometimes it is hard for me to put theses feelings out on paper, and it's even more difficult to express them correctly on the computer screen. i am sorry if at times i can be difficult to love. i love and appreciate all of you, especially the ones who stay with me through the difficult times. i love the ones who leave for a bit but come back to me when my mind clears. i love even those of you who aren't reading this, who will never read this, but are in my heart still.
forever,
gabrielle.
12.20.2007
i wish i had a river i could skate away on...
do you ever get the feeling that you are someone's backup? and not in a good way, like "i'm going in, you're my backup", but in a way like "i am calling you to hang out, but only because no one else can". i think i have made a living out of being a backup. i am like, the leading backup lady. it's worse than a supporting actress because at least supporting actresses get their own scenes, whereas i only get lines if so-and-so is doing something and is unavailable to hang out. so i'm like an understudy. perfect example: on my seventeenth birthday my BEST FRIEND left my house and told me she was going to get her stuff to sleep over and she took my other friend with her and told me to wait at my house for them, that they'd be right back, and guess what? they came back at four in the morning. she went to spend the night with her boyfriend instead. so i spent my seventeenth birthday waiting for my best friend to come back. another example: same friend, different night. i was hanging out with my friend and her boyfriend, she was sleeping at my house. she lieft at like ten to take him home, said she'd come right back, and guess what? i fell asleep waiting for her. she showed up at three a.m. and woke me up, and then made me feel like i was a crazy byotch for having my feelings hurt and being upset. look people. i don't care if you call me, i don't care if you show up, but please, please don't tell me you will. it's like when friends write in your yearbook "we'll hang out!!" and it's like uh, ya, right. that i even understand b/c it is from people who you just have classes with, but what i can;t understand is when it's done by your best friends. i'm so tired of hearing "i'll call you" or "i'll be there in a minute" or "let's do something this weekend" and then having nothing happen. i just end up falling asleep by the phone. and that is the worst feeling ever. waking up and realizing nobody called. i don't mean to be bitchy, or to like be venting on this thing, i am just tired and sad and kind of a little lonely. and it's nobody's fault except mine, and it's not even one friend in particular that i am talking about. i'm just asking for everyone in my life to please, please cut me some slack. i am sick and i hurt and i'm tired of hurting and crying. this is just a mess. i'm gonna go watch some LOST. alone, in case anyone is wondering.
just for once in my life i would like to be someone's first choice instead of their last.
signed, gabrielle.
just for once in my life i would like to be someone's first choice instead of their last.
signed, gabrielle.
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