lost time...

And a heart that grieves
Gets lost in everything.
And a heart in need
Finds hope in anything.

If it's all just luck,
It was tough enough,
And if we lost some time,
Then we'll make it up.

Let's make it up.

i wish i had a river i could skate away on...

do you ever get the feeling that you are someone's backup? and not in a good way, like "i'm going in, you're my backup", but in a way like "i am calling you to hang out, but only because no one else can". i think i have made a living out of being a backup. i am like, the leading backup lady. it's worse than a supporting actress because at least supporting actresses get their own scenes, whereas i only get lines if so-and-so is doing something and is unavailable to hang out. so i'm like an understudy. perfect example: on my seventeenth birthday my BEST FRIEND left my house and told me she was going to get her stuff to sleep over and she took my other friend with her and told me to wait at my house for them, that they'd be right back, and guess what? they came back at four in the morning. she went to spend the night with her boyfriend instead. so i spent my seventeenth birthday waiting for my best friend to come back. another example: same friend, different night. i was hanging out with my friend and her boyfriend, she was sleeping at my house. she lieft at like ten to take him home, said she'd come right back, and guess what? i fell asleep waiting for her. she showed up at three a.m. and woke me up, and then made me feel like i was a crazy byotch for having my feelings hurt and being upset. look people. i don't care if you call me, i don't care if you show up, but please, please don't tell me you will. it's like when friends write in your yearbook "we'll hang out!!" and it's like uh, ya, right. that i even understand b/c it is from people who you just have classes with, but what i can;t understand is when it's done by your best friends. i'm so tired of hearing "i'll call you" or "i'll be there in a minute" or "let's do something this weekend" and then having nothing happen. i just end up falling asleep by the phone. and that is the worst feeling ever. waking up and realizing nobody called. i don't mean to be bitchy, or to like be venting on this thing, i am just tired and sad and kind of a little lonely. and it's nobody's fault except mine, and it's not even one friend in particular that i am talking about. i'm just asking for everyone in my life to please, please cut me some slack. i am sick and i hurt and i'm tired of hurting and crying. this is just a mess. i'm gonna go watch some LOST. alone, in case anyone is wondering.



just for once in my life i would like to be someone's first choice instead of their last.


signed, gabrielle.

revelation.

the one i love and the one who loves me will never, ever be the same person.

if i told you this was killing me, would you stop?