the results are in... my TWILIGHT movie review.

I’ve read three of the four Twilight books. Like many, I finished them quickly but unlike many, I found them quite average. Not that I didn’t enjoy reading them while I was reading them, they kept my interest easily enough. But I didn’t see anything phenomenal or particularly redeeming about the story. Maybe it’s me, maybe I am a cynic or too harsh of a critic (most of you have experienced my harshness via my “Juno” review from last year), or maybe i am too picky due to the fact that i have seen all seven seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer at least 17 times. Don’t get me wrong, these books are entertaining enough (I’m assuming that there is at least one person reading this who hasn’t read the books), their simplistic writing style masked by a forbidden love story that no doubt is what captured reader’s hearts so intensely. Much to my surprise these books have become somewhat of a pop culture phenomenon, creating this huge four-headed (or four-"parted") monster that has left fans of all ages completely smitten and begging for more. Comparisons to J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter novels continue to baffle me, as I consider that series to be a work of literary genius, while the Twilight saga remains, to me, a work of teenage fiction. This is to be my attempt at a impartial review of the movie I saw last night (at midnight, no less, amongst "Twihards" and Twilight Moms, "Team Edwards", and "Team Jacobs", and even a few "twiGUYS"). I’m trying not to be too judgmental, given the fact that I don’t love the books, and really can’t stand the casting director’s choice for Bella. Also, I don’t want to sound too cynical or harsh or bitter or anything like that since i am not any of those things. I do want to make a small disclaimer that I really like Stephenie Meyer and I am happy for her success. I also would like to add that I was excited for this movie, as I have been making a cast list in my mind/on my blog since last august. With all that being said, on to the reviewing…

The movie starts out exactly like the book does, with quiet, awkward Bella Swan moving away from her mother and her home in hot, sunny Phoenix (which apparently no one who had a part in this film has ever been to, as the depiction of Phoenix was LAUGHABLE and stereotypical and just... incorrect, not to mention, filmed in parts of California) to live with her dad in cold and rainy Forks (just in case viewers didn’t know what Phoenix is all about, Bella takes a mini cactus with her to Washington. Because, you know, we’re drowning in them here). Bella’s (played by the bothered and monotone “actress” Kristen Stewart) voice narrates throughout the movie, which is the screenwriter’s way of taking quotes directly from the novel, I’m sure, but after a while, her voice began to grate on me. Stewart does a good enough job of portraying the awkwardness of Bella, tripping and/or slipping several times (taking lessons from Sandra bullock, I’m sure) and stumbling and stuttering through conversations with other students. I was impressed with the performances of her classmates, Jessica, Mike, and Eric. They were surprisingly endearing and often scene-stealing. When we first see the Cullen clan in the cafeteria, I though “Really? That’s the Cullen’s?” i mean, aren’t these kids supposed to be hauntingly beautiful and mysterious? Edward’s “siblings” and “parents” definitely earn the title of “most poorly cast”. I just didn’t like anything about them… they were awkward in their roles, the blonde hair on Carlisle and Rosalie looked cheap and fake (it was, but come on), most of them were over-acting to compensate for what? I’m not sure. And I’m sorry, but Carlisle was just creepy. I actually really like the actor who portrayed him (Peter Facinelli) and I am happy he’s getting work, but he wasn’t Carlisle to me at all. He is Italian, so he has olive-toned skin and dark hair naturally. So when they slap all this makeup on him and dip his head in peroxide it just seems… cheap i guess? Silly? Were there no good looking blonde actors available? I have the same problem with Rosalie, played by Nikki Reed who is Mexican in real life, but pale and blonde in the movie. The blonde hair was just rusty colored and fake looking. It would have been better to (gasp!) stray from the book a bit and leave them dark haired or, you know, just cast actual blonde actors. Kellan Lutz was cast as Emmett and was neither scene stealing nor offensive as such, and Jackson Rathbone has to be the most puzzling cast member to me- he is straight up weird looking and awkward throughout the whole film (luckily he only had a small amount of screen time). Alice (played by Ashley Greene) who I really loved in the novel is miscast as well, and comes off as very annoying (have I mentioned yet that none of these actors are beautiful as the Cullen’s were? I think i have). Billy Burke and Taylor Lautner both had redeeming roles as Charlie swan and Jacob Black. I really look forward to seeing Jacob’s character develop in the next movie, I thought he was great. Billy Burke had a few scenes with Kristen Stewart that were quite good, actually. He really made me feel bad for Charlie. The best casting choice was obviously that of Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen. He is quite beautiful and easy to watch. I also loved the casting of Cam Gigandet as James. He was great and chiseled and beautiful and not in the movie anywhere near enough. That's what a vampire looks like, folks. Yum.

My main problem with the movie was the script. I’m sorry, I know they were going off of the book here, but it was harder for me to get into than the book was, and at times, I was bored. Bland lines spoken monotonely by Kristen and Robert failed to impress me or engulf me in their forbidden love. I wasn’t convinced at all that they were falling in love with each other. When she first tells him she loves him I just thought “Really? You don’t even know him” whereas in the book, I believe it. If a story is told well, it doesn’t matter how long the characters have known each other, I get involved in their lives together. I just really didn’t feel like these characters were developed well enough throughout the script, I didn’t feel like I knew them at all. The only reason I had any sense of who they are is because I’d read the book. (Side note: they should have had Robert wax his chest… vampires are chiseled and do not have chest hair, especially 17-year-old ones). I also felt like the first half of the movie was just shots of Bella’s face, then Edward’s face, then Bella’s face, then both faces together, then Edward’s face. I don’t know, the filming seemed choppy to me, the flying/running at the speed of light scenes were ridiculous, as I knew they would be because, well, flying is ridiculous. Many reviews I’ve read have commented on the cheesiness of those scenes but come on people, It’s fiction. How real can you be? Also, the special effects are the least of the movie’s issues. The lack of character development, camera shots, and choppiness of the film were much more annoying to me than how Edward looked when he “sparkled” (which actually, wasn't bad).

There were scenes I was fond of. The scene where the two are lying in the meadow, the scene in Edward’s bedroom (they got the Cullen’s house spot-on), the scene where Edward is in Bella's room and they kiss for the first time, the scene where they talk all night and he watches her sleep and she pulls herself closer to him and wraps her arms around him- I loved those scenes. Those scenes were the only scenes where I felt any chemistry at all between the two actors. Those scenes made me want them to be together. Aside from those scenes, there is no chemistry at all between the two actors, which can be witnessed perfectly in the interviews they've done together to promote the movie.

Overall it was the lack of character development, boring script, the jumps from monotone acting to extremely dramatic overacting, and the choppiness of filming that left me with a feeling of “meh, whatever” at the end of the movie. I actually left the movie shrugging my shoulders. Nothing particularly offended me, but certainly nothing dazzled me either. Fans of the book will LOVE this movie. People who haven’t read the books will leave the theater wondering what the big whoop is, which is sad to me because I really thought this was a good opportunity to get everyone to fall in love with their story. But what can I say when even I wasn’t convinced and I’ve read the books. Oh, and I must quickly add that it had as many cheesy lines as HSM3, at one point Edward even calls Bella his “spider monkey”, much like Gabriella calls Troy her “wildcat”. If you're debating whether or not you should see the movie, you definately should give yourself the chance to fall in love with a vampire. As for me, my heart and neck still belong to Angel. (If you don't know who that is, please do some "Buffy" research. He would kick Edward's butt!)


p.s. my pics from the midnight show will be posted at a later time.