it's all wrong, but it's alright.

dear friends,

yes, it's true i have been gone a while. i wish there was a really cool reason for it, but there just is not. i am just too lazy to fight with my internet connection. i obviously can't catch up on everything in this one blog, so i will just talk about the major happenings in this life that i call mine.

1. sandee.
just recently, my beat friend of almost 11 years moved back home. i've haven't been this happy in a long time. we've been through so much together, it's amazing to think that we've lasted this long. for the past two weeks my nights have been filled with laughter, trips to zia, drives around town, sonic trips, hair fiascos, team blue, lost parties, movie nights, and um.... laughter? lots of it. i'm so glad she has come home to me.

2. my birthday.
yeah, i turned another year older. big whoop. i just want to say thank you to everyone who texted, sent cards, or dropped by to say hi. i felt very loved.

3. brooke white.
well, i am not sure i'm quite ready to discuss this yet. obviously everyone knows my number one idol got voted off this week (unfairly i might add) and it is a sham and american idol is rigged. i honestly dont feel like being one of those weirdos who blogs about conspiracies (too late?) so i won't blog about it anymore, but if you want to hear my theory, it's a good one, and it is for real. this just confirms all my suspicions about clay and ruben circa 2003.

4. the phoenix suns.
i'm still not ready to discuss this. but amare stoudemire needs to call me, like, yesterday.

5. my haircut.
got a new haircut. nope, not ready to talk about this one either.

6. pete costa.
one of my very favourite people in the entire universe just got back from serving a mission in argentina. he made it home safely and he called me about 2 weeks ago and it pretty much made my life. he is the most genuine person and i am so glad that he is back in my life. he promised me he will call me when he gets back from italy (he's doing his geneology!!) so we can hang. so right now i'm pretty much wishing it was the end of may.

7. LOST.
wtf, jack? hello. this show is intense and it keeps me believing in t.v. b/c there are times when i just want to give up on it all together. ok, who else thinks claire is dead?! because i do. my mom and i have talked and we've thought up some pretty good theories. so the other night when i was so sad and lonely (david lee roth style) i joined this lost forum to discuss theories and i commented on the board and everything. ahahah such a SQUARE!! L7 weener. but my theories are legit.

8. disneyland.
i am taking a small road trip at the end of may with my brother and sandee to visit the happiest place on earth and that makes me the happiest person on earth. so, get ready for that blog.

9. books.
oh my, i have read so many in the past month. but i especially loved LOVED a book called i know this much is true by wally lamb. it was the most astounding piece of literature that i have ever read. i re-read the bell jar and that is amazing too. just kinda makes me want to set myself on fire bc it's so depressing.

10. death cab for cutie and jason mraz.
both of their cds hit stores tuesday may 13 and we all should be buying one of each. sometimes that music saves my life.

11. garrett tanner.
guys, i know i've posted about this before, but tofay i went to see garrett and it was such an amazing experience for me. there was a fundraiser for him at desert devils gym and i got to see what an impact he has had on so many people, he is just such an amazing person. i love him so much. please read his story, i know you will be inspired too. he is such a sweet spirit and has an amazing drive to succeed, it is crazy. please do anything you can to help, even if that means just keeping him and his family in your prayers. www.gogarrett.org



i have to say my life has been pretty upside down lately. i feel like i am in the twilight zone a little bit, and i wish i could elaborate, but who knows who reads this stuff. i must always be careful. but there are a few boys... men, really, i guess who have come back into my life recently and there is just alot happening for me at once. i am having alot of feelings for alot of things at one time and i am having difficulty filtering them all. i'm sure you can tell by this mess of a blog that i am writing. i was able to hang out with an old friend of mine last night, and i had so much fun with him, and just the other day i found this guy who i was really close with a few years back. he moved away to go to law school and i have pretty much been trying to find him for about a year. kind of stalker-ish but in a good way (yes, that's possible). anyways i got to talk to him, and i realize how much i miss him and all the things we used to do together. i am so greatful to be reconnected with him and i'm so greatful for how nice he is to me and how much he loves me. and also with sandee being back home, and my good family, and my wonderful friends who give me so much support... malia, kady, kim, kilee, thanner... there are just some moments where i feel overwhelmed with love for the people in my life. and then there are small simple moments where i am able to feel their overwhelming love for me. i know that i am too hard on myself, and that i am most definately my own worst enemy, hating myself more than anyone else ever could at times, but there are significant moments in my life where i can just look at someone and be completely surrounded by their love. it's a remarkable thing to experience, and it is one thing that i hope to never take for granted. i am so greatful for those people who smack me around when i am on a self-loathing spree and pick me up from the saddest corners of my mind and look me in the eye and tell me that i am worth something. the people that are able to remind me of the values that i have been taught my whole life, that i am worth it, that i should never settle, that i deserve better. i think as humans it is so hard for us NOT to be hard on ourselves, and i am still not sure where that guilt comes from within ourselves; i most certainly don't know where i get it from. i think it is important in these times when we are drowning in our lives- going to school, running errands, being parents, finding a job, learning lessons, trying to pay our bills, moving away, losing friends, losing family, raising children, struggluing with our inner and outer demons, getting married, getting a divorce, fixing the breaks on our car (again!)- that we cling to the small moments that make life worth living. the moments that make this world worth something. the small things- funny voice mails, random text messages, kisses from boys, staying up late talking to our favorite person, reading a good book, listening to an amazing song- these small occurances, they are sometimes what keep us moving, what keeps us breathing. i hate to go off on a tangent like this, but we cant ever under estimate our worth and what our small gestures mean to others. we also should not underestimate the power of a good beard. i'm just sayin'.... i like beards.


hope this wasn't too painful for anyone. sorry for my scattered thoughts. my brain is scrambled like eggs for the moment. please excuse.

love you all.

gabrielle.