american idol

alright, alright. so check it out, yo. this is my venting blog about the sham that is american idol. i am going to write one blog about it and that is it... nothing else for the rest of the season. so we can all agree that since we had our, oh, top ten finalists we've known that the competition is going to come down to david vs. david. i don't think anyone would argue that. so i'm not going to sit here and talk about who i think will win, except to say that judging on pure vocals alone, david a. has the edge. i also dont think that david c. needs the idol contract, i actually think he would benefit more from being on his own so that he can write and perform what he wants, as opposed to what the idol producers want. that being said... we all know that brooke white left prematurely last week, and let's be honest... she didn't deserve to go home. i'm sorry, but she didn't. while not the strongest vocally, she is one of the more talented and likeable contestants that the show has ever seen. i, along with others, have enjoyed her arrangements on songs such as "love is a battlefield", "every breath you take", and "let it be", and who could forget the way she sang "you're so vain" to simon cowell? last weeks show spelled trouble for more that just white, as both syesha and jason castro struggled through their niel diamond tunes. syesha has the same problem every week in my opinion, she has a vocal standard and she can't, or won't rise above it. last week marked her seventh appearance in the bottom three, and it's really no surprise. what performances can we remember of syesha's? um.... um.... uh.... "i will always love you"? where she imitated (yet again) whitney? yeah, that's just not memorable for me. i will say that she belongs on broadway, with her vocals and acting skills and her ability to perform live, i just don't think that she is pop star material (paging fantasia barrino... anyone know how her pop career is going? exactly). anyways, back to last week's show... i will admit it: i cheat. every week i look at an idol insider web page that is run by a person who helps count the votes every week. i know, i know. i just can't stand to watch seacrest fumble through an hour show with his stupid jokes and stupid orange face. it drives me crazy. so i've been going on this webpage every week for the past six or seven weeks and this person has always been right. every week. he doesn't say who gets voted off, or give any details about the show, he just says "so-and-so got the lowest number of texts/calls, so-and-so got the highest". so last week his website said "syesha mercado received the lowest number of texts/votes, david cook received the highest." so i wasn't worried about brooke. i hadn't originally been worried anyways since the night before when i had voted for her (for two hours... i am true blue) i got a busy signal for 20 minutes, but seeing what my "insider" reported i for sure had no reason to worry. if you all remember last weeks show, brooke went home, not syesha, thus confirming my original theories about clay and ruben. (side note: i know it seems like i have no life, but i really do.) i don't really know what to make of that... do you?

that brings me to this weeks show, which i originally wasn't even going to watch in protest, but i ended up watching for one reason or another. i have to say, i don't even know the right word to describe the show last night. unbelievable? disgusting? ridiculous? out of control? probably all of the above. most articles i have read about last nights performances are, of course, slamming jason castro for his supposed "worst pair of performances, at this stage of the competition, in the show’s seven-year history" (as quoted by msnbc) more unbelievable to me, however, was the, uh, performance given by syesha and i'm not talking about the vocal performance. i am talking about the little card she has kept up her sleeve throughout this whole competition. when kristy lee cook was on the show, she played the american card, singing all-american songs and appealing to the all-american viewer. after all, who is going to vote off a girl who just sang about how she is so proud to be an american? david a. played the same card last week when he belted out "america" and simon wasn't kidding when he said there wasn't a smarter song choice at this stage in the competition (although heaven knows david a. doesn't need the help) so, last night syesha pulled out a little trick of her own, choosing to sing "orud mary" followed by sam cooke's "a change is gonna come", a song written about the civil rights movement. (at this point i don't think i have to say which card it is that she is playing) the craziness continues when randy doesn't really feel the vocals on the second song, saying he didn't really "dig" the performance. this is what starts syesha's emotional rollercoaster and potential acting career. don't worry because randy's "harsh" comments were followed by a standing O from paula applauding her for making such a brave choice of song and coming such a long way, etc etc, blah, blah, whatever it is paula says everytime. but syesha keeps on keepin' on with the tears. (i thought brooke white left?) when asked why she is so emotional she just can't understand why randy didn't like a song that means so much to her about her history and who she is and really, who randy is as well, right? cue the tissue, which the orange emcee asks a producer for as syesha makes a brave exit off the stage (i half expected her to shout the words "this moment is so much bigger than me!" as halle berry did when she won the oscar). now, don't get me wrong, i have liked syesha from the start. i think she is talented and i think she is sweet and nice and pretty, just like paula. but this is just turning the competition into a joke when you start rallying for the sympathy vote. it's cheap, it's silly. it probably isn't even necessary except how else is she going to beat the davids? now that i am done venting about syesha, i will turn my attention over to jason castro. poor, poor, jason. the kid just wants to go home already. this kid has been one of my favorites from the start, taking old songs and making them sound amazing with the arrangements he chose on songs like "i don't wanna cry" and "somewhere over the rainbow", and i didn't eve hate it when he (almost) butchered "memory" two weeks ago. the kid is ready to go home. and how else do you do such a thing on this show? it didn't work when he sang "memory" and it didn't work last week when he butchered his two niel diamond songs, performances which, he says, he "didn't even prepare for". i think we all saw it last week in his neil diamond interview tape when he hadn't even taken the time to learn the words of his songs by the time he had to perform them fo neil himself. this just isn't the jason who was with us in the beginning. first of all, i don't think he ever expected to get this far (he underestimates the teen vote and his sparkling baby blues), and second, i don't think he was prepared for the competition to be so intense (what with practices, song choice, mentors, fellow contestants, etc.). as far as his performances last night go, yes i agree, the bob marley song was not so great. probably no one except bob marley should sing them. but what else do you do when trying to get voted off? he wants to sing bob marley, he's gonna sing bob marley, woo hoo! what does he care? (side note: what does paula say? "you look great up there, i love you, blah blah i'm paula where's my drink?" as per usual) the second song, however, i really liked. not a fan of bob dylan myself i think he did good job of singing that song. of course by this point the judges can tell he wants out (maybe it was the fact that he mouthed "DON'T VOTE!" after his numbers were given out the first time?) and so no one really has anything nice to say about his second performance either, except "i'd pack your bags", which is exactly what he wanted to hear two weeks ago. so, yes... at this point the american idol competition as a whole has become somewhat ridiculous. unlike the masses, i think that syesha made more of a mockery of the show last night with what she chose to do than jason did. but she did get a standing O from paula which, let's face it, is kind of like getting a standing O from a lunch lady (no offense to the ladies of lunch out there). it's kind of like (as joey tribiani says) a moo point, a cow's point of view. it doesn't really matter... it's moo. because who cares what a cow thinks? no one.


signed,
gabby the cow.

food baby.

these are some pics of my new hair/glasses. i don't know why i am posting them... to pass the time i guess. there is something quite depressing about watching someone's life go on without you. even though you've moved on without them. that happens to me sometimes, especially with myspace and facebook and blogs, etc. i find these people on these sites, sometimes they are friends that i used to have or whatever. but i hate reading their stuff. it's like annoying to see their lives. i'm sure that sounds so bratty of me, but it's late and what can i say? i'm in a bratty mood. it just seems like even though i am past certain points in my life, and i have moved on to other things, there is a certain sting when seeing that they've moved on without me as well. even though that is what i would expect them to do. there is also like, this (not so) small part of me that hopes that they take glances into my world and see that i have moved on, and that it hurts them too.

argh there is also this very big part of my that hates being patient and just wants everything to happen N-O-W. thankyouverymuch. i hate waiting. i am so impatient. i just want everything to hurry up and be what it is. and i'd like to not be lied to on the way. so this blog is probably my first blog in a long time that doesn't make sense. i can't seem to get my ducks in a pond and make sense of my thoughts. it is late but it seems later than it is. my eyes are dipping.

you know your life is crazy when the only thing that makes sense is a seventeen year old.

confused but still yours,

gabrielle.

it's all wrong, but it's alright.

dear friends,

yes, it's true i have been gone a while. i wish there was a really cool reason for it, but there just is not. i am just too lazy to fight with my internet connection. i obviously can't catch up on everything in this one blog, so i will just talk about the major happenings in this life that i call mine.

1. sandee.
just recently, my beat friend of almost 11 years moved back home. i've haven't been this happy in a long time. we've been through so much together, it's amazing to think that we've lasted this long. for the past two weeks my nights have been filled with laughter, trips to zia, drives around town, sonic trips, hair fiascos, team blue, lost parties, movie nights, and um.... laughter? lots of it. i'm so glad she has come home to me.

2. my birthday.
yeah, i turned another year older. big whoop. i just want to say thank you to everyone who texted, sent cards, or dropped by to say hi. i felt very loved.

3. brooke white.
well, i am not sure i'm quite ready to discuss this yet. obviously everyone knows my number one idol got voted off this week (unfairly i might add) and it is a sham and american idol is rigged. i honestly dont feel like being one of those weirdos who blogs about conspiracies (too late?) so i won't blog about it anymore, but if you want to hear my theory, it's a good one, and it is for real. this just confirms all my suspicions about clay and ruben circa 2003.

4. the phoenix suns.
i'm still not ready to discuss this. but amare stoudemire needs to call me, like, yesterday.

5. my haircut.
got a new haircut. nope, not ready to talk about this one either.

6. pete costa.
one of my very favourite people in the entire universe just got back from serving a mission in argentina. he made it home safely and he called me about 2 weeks ago and it pretty much made my life. he is the most genuine person and i am so glad that he is back in my life. he promised me he will call me when he gets back from italy (he's doing his geneology!!) so we can hang. so right now i'm pretty much wishing it was the end of may.

7. LOST.
wtf, jack? hello. this show is intense and it keeps me believing in t.v. b/c there are times when i just want to give up on it all together. ok, who else thinks claire is dead?! because i do. my mom and i have talked and we've thought up some pretty good theories. so the other night when i was so sad and lonely (david lee roth style) i joined this lost forum to discuss theories and i commented on the board and everything. ahahah such a SQUARE!! L7 weener. but my theories are legit.

8. disneyland.
i am taking a small road trip at the end of may with my brother and sandee to visit the happiest place on earth and that makes me the happiest person on earth. so, get ready for that blog.

9. books.
oh my, i have read so many in the past month. but i especially loved LOVED a book called i know this much is true by wally lamb. it was the most astounding piece of literature that i have ever read. i re-read the bell jar and that is amazing too. just kinda makes me want to set myself on fire bc it's so depressing.

10. death cab for cutie and jason mraz.
both of their cds hit stores tuesday may 13 and we all should be buying one of each. sometimes that music saves my life.

11. garrett tanner.
guys, i know i've posted about this before, but tofay i went to see garrett and it was such an amazing experience for me. there was a fundraiser for him at desert devils gym and i got to see what an impact he has had on so many people, he is just such an amazing person. i love him so much. please read his story, i know you will be inspired too. he is such a sweet spirit and has an amazing drive to succeed, it is crazy. please do anything you can to help, even if that means just keeping him and his family in your prayers. www.gogarrett.org



i have to say my life has been pretty upside down lately. i feel like i am in the twilight zone a little bit, and i wish i could elaborate, but who knows who reads this stuff. i must always be careful. but there are a few boys... men, really, i guess who have come back into my life recently and there is just alot happening for me at once. i am having alot of feelings for alot of things at one time and i am having difficulty filtering them all. i'm sure you can tell by this mess of a blog that i am writing. i was able to hang out with an old friend of mine last night, and i had so much fun with him, and just the other day i found this guy who i was really close with a few years back. he moved away to go to law school and i have pretty much been trying to find him for about a year. kind of stalker-ish but in a good way (yes, that's possible). anyways i got to talk to him, and i realize how much i miss him and all the things we used to do together. i am so greatful to be reconnected with him and i'm so greatful for how nice he is to me and how much he loves me. and also with sandee being back home, and my good family, and my wonderful friends who give me so much support... malia, kady, kim, kilee, thanner... there are just some moments where i feel overwhelmed with love for the people in my life. and then there are small simple moments where i am able to feel their overwhelming love for me. i know that i am too hard on myself, and that i am most definately my own worst enemy, hating myself more than anyone else ever could at times, but there are significant moments in my life where i can just look at someone and be completely surrounded by their love. it's a remarkable thing to experience, and it is one thing that i hope to never take for granted. i am so greatful for those people who smack me around when i am on a self-loathing spree and pick me up from the saddest corners of my mind and look me in the eye and tell me that i am worth something. the people that are able to remind me of the values that i have been taught my whole life, that i am worth it, that i should never settle, that i deserve better. i think as humans it is so hard for us NOT to be hard on ourselves, and i am still not sure where that guilt comes from within ourselves; i most certainly don't know where i get it from. i think it is important in these times when we are drowning in our lives- going to school, running errands, being parents, finding a job, learning lessons, trying to pay our bills, moving away, losing friends, losing family, raising children, struggluing with our inner and outer demons, getting married, getting a divorce, fixing the breaks on our car (again!)- that we cling to the small moments that make life worth living. the moments that make this world worth something. the small things- funny voice mails, random text messages, kisses from boys, staying up late talking to our favorite person, reading a good book, listening to an amazing song- these small occurances, they are sometimes what keep us moving, what keeps us breathing. i hate to go off on a tangent like this, but we cant ever under estimate our worth and what our small gestures mean to others. we also should not underestimate the power of a good beard. i'm just sayin'.... i like beards.


hope this wasn't too painful for anyone. sorry for my scattered thoughts. my brain is scrambled like eggs for the moment. please excuse.

love you all.

gabrielle.