my best friend's wedding.

samantha got married! which is weird bc i have known her since she was 16. we've talked numerous times about boys and how we are never going to find the "right" one, how we are going to be spinsters/cat ladies together. oh, and members of the red hat society. but alas, those plans have been thwarted, as she has left me to reign in cat lady land alone. i forgive her, though. i got to help make stuff for the wedding, like crafts and cupcakes, which was really fun. sam is in amsterdam right now with her husband (still sounds weird) justin.

i got to oversee the frosting/sprinkling of the cupcakes. sam mixed up the beautiful colors.


sam and grandma betty, who is the patron saint of cupcakes. she made them all along with the frosting-from scratch. she really is a saint.


sam and i at the wedding. she had a beatle's themed wedding which, as far as weddings go, is a pretty awesome theme. it was fun to see the crafts that i helped with all on display. everything looked really amazing. she walked down the aisle to "all you need is love" which was pretty awesome too.

jessica, me, and erica. jessica is my sister for life bc she knows the joy of the jonai as i do. on friday night during the "rehearsal" dinner, sam, jess, and i were talking and uncle tracy asked sam who her favorite jonas is.

sam: nick! all the way.

jess: mine is joe.

(no, mine is joe. but i didn't say anything)

sam: ooohhhhh, gabby likes joe! you guys have to battle it out now.

jess: that's ok, i can have kevin instead. i'll take one for the team.

idk why, but that really meant alot to me. haha it sounds stupid, it probably is stupid, since none of us GET any of the jonai. but she so willingly let me have joe, no question. jess is pretty much the coolest, not just bc she takes one for the team, but bc she makes bank working at costco making pizzas in L.A. secretly, i am jealous of her pizza girl status.

well, pretty much the cutest bride and groom ever. this isn't a great representation of the photo since you can see my reflection in it, but i love this photo so much, i had to take a pic of it.

samantha and justin.

these past few weeks have been weird for me kind of. i'm saying goodbye to alot of stuff. i have like, five, maybe six girls that i consider to be in my inner circle. i am losing four of them within a month. sandee just moved with her family to utah. malia is moving to boston next month so her very smart husband can go to harvard. leslie is getting married on thursday. samantha just got married. it's an epidemic i tell you. people are leaving me all over the place. i don't know how to feel about it all, or if i should feel anything at all since there's little i can do to stop what is happening. lots of emotions attached to each person, and it just feels like a part of my life is ending when they leave. i'm getting older, and i can't stop it. the time to act like a grown up is now. and, truth be told, i HATE it more than anything.

gone are the days where summer meant no school, eating popsicles by the pool, and requesting my favorite song on the radio. not that i don't love my life right now, because i do, but sometimes i miss those days. there's no cure for getting older. i can't fight it, i might as well embrace it.

exoh,

gabby.

lovely, circa 1993.

there's no point to this post, except to say...
weren't they a darling couple? i miss them. how depressing is it that the tattoo on his arm which once read "winona forever" now reads "wino forever"?

perhaps they were just too good looking to last forever. it makes me sad for her. i don't know why i get sad over things like this, there's no point really. but to make myself feel better, i like to tell myself they're still together.

so much talk yet nothing to say,

gabs.

my heart belongs to...

... this sleaze. can't help it. chuck bass is the sole reason i tune into gossip girl every week. (also, partly to see what blair is wearing.) he has the funny lines, he has the killer wardrobe, he is LOADED, and he kind of is a doll when he loves blair. male-skank aside, he's quite a dish.
one question: where oh where did the signature scarf go? i miss it.

don't knock the bowtie, i LOVE the bowtie.

oh, it's "fun-in-the-sun" chuck, complete with fedora and swim trunks. wonder if he comes with a spray-on tan?

chuck in plaid? yum.

croquet is the new golf. there are so many awesome things about this outfit, i don't know where to begin.

chuck bass is the ultimate best friend. he pays for everything and if anyone messes with you, he pretty much ruins their life. good looking, rich, smarmy... what's not to like?

darn that mother chucker.

exoh,

gabs.

for chanel, LSS, erika, noelle, sam, malleri, merissa, and ella.

... and a little bit for me too.

jonas brothers released their new single exclusively to members of their facebook fan group last night. the single is available tuesday may 12th for download so until then, this will have to do.

play it really loud and have a DANCE PARTY!! because dancing is good excercise and it makes you feel HAPPY!!





here are the lyrics for those who want to learn them before we drive around and listen to it in my car on repeat on tuesday (ahem chanel ahem):

i make the most of all the stress
i try to live without regret
but i m about to break a sweat
im freaking out
its like a poison in my brain
its like a fog that blurs the scene
its like a vine you cant untangle
oh i’m freaking out

everytime i turn around
something don’t feel right
i might be paranoid
i’m boarding the lines
cause they just might split
can someone stop the noise?
i don’t know what it is
but it just don’t fit
i’m paranoid yeah

i take the next stairway steps
to get some air into my chest
cant hear the thoughts inside my head
i’m still freaking out
that’s why my ex is still my ex
i never trust a word she says
i’m runnin all the background checks
and shes freaking out

everytime i turn around
somethings just not right
might be paranoid
i’m boardin the lines
cause they just might split
can someone stop the noise?
i don’t know what it is
but it just don’t fit
consider me destroyed
cause i don’t know how to act
cause i lost my head
i must be paranoid
i never thought it would come to this
i’m paranoid
stuck in the room
were staring faces ohh
i’m caught in a nightmare
i cant wake up
if you hear my cry running through her streets
i’m about to freak
come and rescue me
she might be paranoid
yeah
i’m boarding the lines cause they just might split
can someone stop the noise?
i don’t know what it is
but it just don’t fit
consider me destroyed
i don’t know how to act cause i lost
cause i lost my head
i must be paranoid


(someone else's lyrics, don't have time to edit...)

exoh,
gabrielle.

can't stop the train.

these are pretty much the only words that are appropriate for how i feel right now. i'll pretty much be listening to this song on repeat for the next... forever.

No, I'm not color blind,
I know the world is black and white.
Try to keep an open mind, but
I just can't sleep on this tonight.
Stop this train,
I wanna get off and
Go home again.
I can't take the speed it's moving in,
I know I can't.
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

Don't know how else to say it,
Don't want to see my parents go.
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own.
Stop this train,
I wanna get off and
Go home again.
I can't take the speed it's moving in,
I know I can't.
But honestly, won't someone stop this train?

So scared of getting older,
I'm only good at being young.
So I play the numbers game
To find a way to say that life has just begun.
Had a talk with my old man,
Said "Help me understand"
He said "Turn sixty-eight,
You renegotiate"
"Don't stop this train,
Don't for a minute change the place you're in.
And don't think I couldn't ever understand,
I tried my hand.
John, honestly, we'll never stop this train."

Once in a while, when it's good,
It'll feel like it should.
And they're all still around,
And you're still safe and sound.
And you don't miss a thing
Till you cry when you're driving away in the dark.
Singing,

"Stop this train.
I wanna get off and
Go home again.
I can't take the speed it's moving in".
I know I can,
'Cause now I see
I'll never stop this train.

OMJ

there are many things i could write about today, but i choose this. i have been doing well on my low-techno diet, which is similar to a low carb diet, in that i use my computer only a few times during the day and in small doses. i've logged on to twitter and facebook only twice today (which is good for me, by the way, so hush up) but when i logged on to twitter a moment ago i was met with a message from the jonas brothers saying that their new album cover is up. oh dear. i want to say i am ashamed to admit what i am about to admit, but if i really were that ashamed, i'd not be putting it out in the blogosphere.... my breath was quite literally taken away. ha. oh my my my. i really wasn't expecting something so... oy what's the word? i'm thinking of many, i'm just trying to decide which, if any, are appropriate. i'll go with "breezy" right now. i wasn't expecting something quite so breezy. really, i am laughing at myself right now bc i did literally gasp when i saw this which just proves that i am not old enough to have just turned 25. (somewhere in the world my mother is reading this post and shaking her head at the nonsense that is her TWENTY FIVE year old daughter. sorry, mom. i'll make it up to you someday.) so, i am very excited for june 15th which is when this gem hits shelves and i am glad i stumbled upon this photo bc it may very well have gotten me through the last two hours of my day. may i also say that i am excited for may 2nd which is the premiere of J.O.N.A.S. on the disney channel and i'm thinking of putting together a little ACE gang soiree for it. who knows, it depends on how gay i'm feeling that day.

in other my world news, i am currently loving the album "lady luck" by the amazing maria taylor, namely the song "100,00 times" which, at press time, makes my world spin round and round and round. and a quote that caught my attention today is this little gem from, urm, lord byron i believe? if not, my appologies to the lord. it goes a little something like this:

" 'tis strange-but true; for the truth is always strange."

i loved that. i also thought of this in the middle of the night when i couldn't sleep and was drowning in my own insecurities and fears and feeling very overwhelmed. so this quote is from, well, me. at three in the morning. "alot of small steps equal big steps". so that's what i'm doing right now... just taking small steps in hopes that someday i'll turn around and realize that i've gotten somewhere.

exoh.

gabrielle.

thoughts that create my world.

so i have that little section on the side of quotes/movie lines/song lines that i should be better at updating (i'm going to start now, being better i mean.). just now i added a new thought to it and i was thinking of something different to call that section. i went through a bunch of ideas like "thoughts that make my life" or "things that make my brain tick", but i ended up just sticking to what i originally had because, well, i can't think of a better way to say it. seriously, some of those words can calm me down when i'm in a frenzy or make me smile when i'm bummed. they seriously create my world. so yeah. the point is, i'm gonna try and update it weekly. clean some out of there and add new ones. i'll start small by saying one a week.

exoh.
gabrielle.

favorite office clip ever.

i can really say that, without a doubt, the "golden ticket" episode of the office is my favorite episode thus far for season five. i really think that steve carrell should submit this episode for an emmy nom. he is so brilliant in it. this is probably the best opening for an "office" episode yet (it even beats the "bears, beets, battlestar gallactica" opener). last friday, i watched this episode FIVE times, and i rewound the opening segment at least once each time. brilliant moments to notice in this scene (it's ok if you watch it twice) are: what michael uses to wipe the "budda" off of his hand, michael's face when he attempts to attack dwight, and michael's face right after jim says "ding dong". honestly, steve carrell is brilliant. in those moments, he really is michael scott. i hope you laugh as much as i did.

crentist the dentist.

ok, so i wasn't this bad, but yesterday i went to the dentist for the first time in a long time on account of a delinquent tooth that was giving me greif. after sitting in the dentist chair for a couple of hours they decided that i needed a root canal. this means that my lovely (and lucky) cousin got to be the one to "operate" on me. he is so lovely that he drugged me up nice and good. i actually don't remember much of anything yesterday except that melissa, being the good friend that she is, picked me up and drove me home and got me crackers for lunch since i hadn't eaten anything. i think ike was in the car and i think we were watching the princess bride? (am i making any of this up, melis?) anyways, thanks to all who put up with me this weekend with my hurty tooth. I HATE TOOTH PAIN!!

my state of mind has finally got the best of me.

there's a strange sort of feeling that comes over me when i realize that something is over. it's a feeling that is hard to identify or label. it's not sadness, happiness, nor content. it's a very solemn, almost empty feeling... maybe a bit calming? relief?

whether it's friendships or other sorts of "ships", school or even a t.v. show, when something ends, i get that same sort of feeling. happy to reflect on memories stored in the files of my mind, sad to close a chapter, unwilling to let go, unable to stay, and uncertain of the future. not sure what that closed door means... does it mean that another door opens? and if another door does open, am i going to like what experiences come with that new opportunity? it's times like these that i am reminded that growing up never really gets easier, you're problems just adapt to your age. like when i think back to 2003, for example, and the problems i faced then i would gladly tackle those problems now. if i think back even further to high school, the "problems" i faced then are almost laughable to me now (almost). sometimes i like to cheer myself up by telling myself "in a year these problems of yours will be a cake walk, miss walz", and for a moment my fears and worries subside and i am able to prance around and be silly and carefree, and most of the time that's what i am. yet here i sit on the eve of my 25th year and there are some "issues" that i feel consumed by, that overwhelm me. at times i feel at peace b/c i know in six months time these "issues" will be a small spot in my past, just another story for the books but at the same time i worry about what new issues will present themselves. why is it that we always feel we are at our limit?
what started off as a rant about closure has turned into a quite depressing rant about time, sorry, i'll head back to the original idea. just recently i've closed off a part of my life and it just hit me today that it is over. this time the decision was mine and i'm greatful for that at least, but still, there are times when i catch myself dissecting that relationship. i'm not sure what i'm looking for, really. i just find myself searching for a moment where maybe i was given a clue as to how it would all turn out, or maybe there was a moment where i could have said something but didn't, more likely is the chance that i said something and should have held my tongue. then i start rehashing scenarios and conversations, reading over letters or text messages and journals, looking at photos... if i let myself i could be totally swept away studying moments from the past. but just barely i thought to myself "what's the point?" i can read letters, i can hilight sentences and analyze them, i can remember conversations or events that took place but the "evidence" of love that i find won't change the outcome. it's like.... finding a dead body and doing a bunch of detective work to find out how the person was killed and why they died and if you could have done anything to save the person. at the end of all that time and research, you've still got a dead body. placing the blame on someone doesn't un-do what has been done, it doesn't change the decisions that were made. yep... still no pulse.
something i've learned, or maybe just realized, is that sometimes things just happen. sometimes things just don't work out. sometimes there is nothing more that i could have done. pouring over letters and conversations isn't going to do anything except make me feel worse.

it's a sad day when i realize i have to be a grown up. i realized it years ago, but it still feels like i just figured it out yesterday. i still feel brand new.

lyrics of the day:
"So with dignity and grace, you have to erase
All the things in your mind that replay, and replay, and replay.
The things that made you cry, that you forgave, you let go by,
Or you will push the one you love out of your life."
-maria taylor.