last week i slept in my mutti's bed because my dad was out of town and she needed a bed mate. (she actually ended up being MY bedmate on account of the scorpinox that stung her face, but that's another fiasco all together) we were watching wizards of waverly place when i confided in her. it wasn't necessarily on purpose, the words sort of just came out. "i want to be a wizard so bad; almost as much as i want to be a vampire slayer".
dw being the kind-hearted mutti and bff that she is looked over at me and asked me very seriously, "what world do you live in?"
hmm... i don't really think i know.
i replied, though, by saying, "obviously i live in my own world, one in which i laugh at shows like this because i think they really are funny and not just stupid".
all of this talk got me thinking, and i remembered a scene from one of my favorite movies, alice in wonderland. it's right in the beginning when alice is sitting in the tree with her cat and her older sister is sitting beneath her reading a book out loud. alice is having a vair hard time paying attention, and big sis gets a bit frustrated with her.
"alice, would you kindly pay attention to your history lesson?" she says with an exhaustive sigh.
alice replies, frustrated, "but how can one possibly pay attention to a book with no pictures in it?"
"my dear child, there are a great many books in this world without pictures" (she's right, but that isn't the point, keep reading).
"in
your world, perhaps. but in
my world, the books would be nothing but pictures!" alice says, quite satisfied.
"
your world?! ugh! what nonsense!" her sister laughs.
it is then that alice realizes that yes, if she had a world of her own, everything would be nonsense.
it's true there are things in "my" world that are completely nonsensical, like my desire to have magical powers or the ability to slay vampires (i know, whatever. vampires don't exist, blah, blah...) but i exist in the "normal" world perfectly fine. i have a full-time job, for example. i go grocery shopping with my mom, i take my turn doing the dishes or cooking dinner, i pay my car payment every month, i am responsible (ish) for my healthcare, i excercise... i could go on, but this normal business is quite boring, as you can tell.
my point, however poorly made, is this: why does it matter if sometimes i wish i had the ability to snap my fingers and have a clean room? why does it matter that i laugh, quite often, during an episode of hannah montana? (or JONAS? or wizards of waverly place? never do i laugh at iCARLY, i must add. haha) so what if i'd rather go to disneyland than france? why is it ridiculous for me to like the jonas brothers, just because i'm not fourteen? sure, i've read the harry potter series numerous times, but i also read serious books, classic books, and nonfiction books. i will argue to defend the jonas brothers, but i also will argue (and quite well) to defend my religion, my political beliefs, and my family.
i used to put alot of pressure on myself to let my "nonsense" stuff go. you know, take the posters off of my wall, throw away my joe jonas sweat pants, give up the midnight showings... things like that. it was really hard for a while because i was torn between living a full "grown-up" life and living a life in which i write my "to-do's" down in a harry potter calendar. it was only just the other day, when i was driving to my friend malia's house, that i realized that i can have both, in moderation.
i was driving to malia's for dinner and a music exchange fest but i knew that it might very well be the last time i saw her (for a while, anyway). she is moving to boston next week because her very talented and smart husband got accepted into harvard (woo hoo). i was kind of, sort of crying because i am really sad to lose her. she is a very good friend to me and i love her quite alot. while i was driving i was listening to a jonas brothers cd from 2006 when they were basically just babies (it's really very comical) and this song came on and it was nick's little voice singing "time for me to fly" or something silly, and for a moment i really just felt vair, vair happy.
here i was, going to do this "grown-up" thing, saying goodbye, and i was listening to teen pop- and loving it. for a moment i thought, "who cares?", and i meant that about everything. i have never cared what people think of me, why would i start now, so late in life? i don't care if people laugh at me or think i am ridiculous because i am, quite literally, in my own world. they don't have to like it because they aren't invited to live in it anyways.
i saw harry potter and the half blood prince yesterday (loved every second of it, you should know), and the scene that was my favorite was when harry drinks his felix felicis. he was so funny during those moments when he was affected by the "liquid luck" and it was so fun to see harry so carefree (he is usually under some distress. that comes with being "the chosen one", i suppose) anyways, here are some things that i consider my "felix felicis", the things that make me a bit floaty and giddy. these are some things that make
my world spin round; things that make me happy no matter how bummed i am. i'll keep the list short, so as not to get too boring.
-a cold bottle of evian.
-swimming.
-my mother.
-any episode from any season of buffy the vampire slayer.
-any *NSYNC song from the "no strings attached" album.
- when one (or all) of the jonas boys wear a v-neck shirt or a plaid button-up shirt. bonus points if they wear them both together.
-pizza.
-driving up the mountain at night with chanel, and singing at tip top notch.
-random text messages.
-taking pictures of myself. i don't know why. i just think this is fun.
-michael scott. bonus points if he is having a conversation with dwight or jim.
-episodes of JONAS and wizards of waverly place. i don't watch tv ever, really. but when i do, it is tivoed episodes of these shows.
-getting emails from my aunt jennie.
-texting with malia about stupid celebrity gossip.
-my lovelies (cole, summer, meg, and isaac. malleri, merissa, and ella.)
-going to a movie with my family.
-reading things that i have written.
-my primary class (and presidency).
-reading old emails and instant messaging conversations from kenny.
-writing and reciting haiku's in accents with samantha.
it isn't hard to gain access into my world, it just takes a little acceptance. sometimes, if we let ourselves go and accept that we cannot control every little thing that happens to us, it's easier to remember what made us so carefree as children. i struggle with life, there's no doubt. it seems as though there is something new to think or worry about everyday. but it helps if i can slip away for small moments into a place where magic happens.
don't worry, i always come back.
love,
gabrielle.
xx
